1. Fuckin' Illinois Bastard
2. Annoying individual from Metro Chicago who thinks they're the salt of the earth and everyone who lives in a city of less than 100,000 should bow down and thank them for their presence. These obnoxious folks can be identified by their nasal voices and huge-ass SUVs (usually towing a 100 ft long trailer full of snowmobiles to northern Wisconsin)
3. Dumb individual from Metro Chicago who would pay fortune for something that is actually worth a quarter of what they actually paid.
4. Jerk from Chicago who has the illusion that Northern Wisconsin would not exist without their tourist dollars.
5. Outdoorsman poser who thinks "roughing it" means sleeping in a $30,000 camper.
6. Clown from Metro Chicago who complains endlessly that "It's better in Chicago" after retiring to Northern Wisconsin.
I don't want to go to the bar tonight. It's Labor Day weekend and the bar will be full of obnoxious FIBs.
Shop Owner: Heh Heh! I could put a coat of glazing over a pile of dogshit and some FIB would probably pay $100 for it as long as I stamp Made In Cheeseland on it. Hey Fido!! Here's some bean burrito for ya! Good boy!! Eat up- there's more from where that came from!
HA HA - and they think we're stupid!!
FIB: How come there isn't a band playing tonight? In Chicaaaago there is something going on every night. What kind of hick town is this?
BAR OWNER: Well, (mockingly) Go back to Chicaaago or shut the fuck up before I shove this beer glass up your ass.
FIB: Let's go Muriel. These peeeeople are uncultured swines.
FIBETTE: Okay Taylor. I'm getting a little schaaared here. Is the SUV full of ghaaaaaaas?