Texas State University is THE university of choice to blow your load and maintain a 3.0. Hated by the majority of universities in the state, TxState boasts the prettiest campus, best location, and rocking partying reputation. UT and A&M love to say that TxState students couldn't get into their schools, but seeing as the requirements to attend TxState are the exact same requirements as UT, it really just proves the point that we don't like to hang with goats fuckers, Wrangler lovers, or ugly theater kids who pretend UT is Ivy League.
Why Texas State? Texas State hosts the kids you loathed in high school. We had the nicest cars, parents money, and the nicest bodies. It's not our fault that we would like to congregate at the same school and bask in our awesomeness. Are we vain? Shallow? Fuck yeah we are, and we have the absolute right to be. You may hate us because we party harder, rock tighter bodies, and will STILL get better jobs than you because even if we're here for six years, we can network like the fucking best.
Have any doubts? Other universities TRAVEL to party with our school's elite. River Raft Race in one of the biggest parties nationally, with over 2,000 participants this past year alone. People come from Arizona, Colorado, New Jersey, and even California to see what the fuck we're about for just one weekend.
Still hate our school? Then don't even bother heading out to 6th street in Austin, because we've been dominating that party scene for two decades. UT got biggest party school in 2006? You better believe it's because TxState reigns supreme in their own city, and while they may got the books, we've got the looks. We turn the state capital into our own personal Vegas every weekend, and nobody stands in our way. We even come in limos and top-notch party buses, while all you UT fags take sad little taxis.
Your school thinks it has money? Coach bags are our gym bags, and you'll be laughed out if you think Sperry's are expensive shoes.
Why do we get the greatest jobs? Because our parents are the CEOs, lawyers, and doctors of this fine state. We've gone head-to-head with board members well before this college game, and we make a point to be remembered. Our school has the biggest entrepreneurial spirit and we are feisty; our ego is what powers our greatness.
Jealous much? You should be. Sam Houston and Stephen F. Austin only wish to have the caliber we do, and UT and A&M simply just don't know what to do. It's not their fault, how can you compete with a school that's the perfect mesh of street smarts, great looks, and trust funds?
Partying is just part of our nature. We have a fucking BAR in the student center on campus. The only reason you hate is because WE are living the American dream. We toke, roll, yay it out all day because we can and still rape a good GPA.
You think we're immature and don't want to grow up? Why? Because our parents pay for everything? You're right, it crazy of us to take advantage of the BMWs, boats, Range Rovers, shopping allowances and free trips to Miami and Vegas. Sorry our parents don't want us to work at McDonalds and live on loans. We're not immature, we're spoiled, gifted really, and fuck yeah we're going to enjoy the ride. Maybe if you lost a few pounds and got a tan, we'd let you come along too.
And forget about the freshman fifteen, we don't tolerate that here. If you're not a gym rat, just pack your bags. We only socialize with the hottest, and that takes maintenance. So we tan, we work out, we dye, we bleach. You say our girls look like Playboy models? Well, incidentally, we've got those too, just watch the Girls Next Door. Just keep talking about our bleached hair while we average a 168 LSAT score and and starting salary of 70,000.
And our boys are just as fabulous. They're built and hot, tan and taunt, they're a girl's fantasy. Our fraternity formals are legendary, and these boys use their street smarts in every way. They own the nicest bars and clubs from Miami to Cancun. They hold more boardroom positions than A&M after graduation, probably because we don't look like Joe Dirt. MTV pleads to film on location here every year, we just can't help that we're that awesome.
So anyone jealous, just step aside. Go cry how we're spoiled, shallow, and dumb as dirt. You're just upset because you were too pathetic to be invited to the party, it's not our fault we won the genetic lottery. Your right, we'll snub you in clubs and refuse to visit other universities, because why waste our time? You stay elite by eliminating the riff-raff, maybe in a few years you'll make the cut.
"I hear everyone at Texas State University is a slut"
"No, everyone at Texas State is beautiful, we just stick together so all you ugly fucks don't think you stand a chance"