11 definitions by The Padre

Top Definition
A 'Gooch Assasin' is a man who takes pleasure in hand slapping the gooch of another man. A gooch assasin may or may not have acutal ninja skills. There are a particularly disturbing comunity of Gooch assasins who attack their prey when showering.

A perjorative term used to describe someone of the same gender who has invaded your personal space.
Walter the Gooch Assasin waited quietly in the wardrobe for Stuart to enter the hotel room and undress. As soon as Stuart was naked Walter cartwheeled across the room and slapped him right on his exposed gooch.

While Xavier was waiting in line Timothy pressed closer than Xavier felt comfortable with. To alert Timothy Xavier said "geez Timothy could you take a step back, you don't have to stand so close you gooch assasin!' Timothy got the point and backed it up.
by The padre October 17, 2009
Chore play is the activity whereby a man tries to seduce his wife by completing menial tasks around the home which she would usually perfom herself.
Charles: damn it, I spent all afternoon cleaning the bathroom and when Esther came home she never gave me so much as a kiss, i was hoping to get some sweet booty action.

Gaylord: Damn that shit is whack, didn't that bitch know that was meant to be chore play? Hmmm she should have put out aight!
by The Padre October 17, 2009
Gooch Throb is a condition that results from extreme excitement whereby the male's gooch becomes swollen and red, and a slight throbbing can be felt internally in the region of the gooch.

Gooch throb is not sexual excitement which would result in an erection (see boner or hard on) it is only possible to have Gooch throb in a non-sexual situation.
Z Dawg: Hey dude I am sooooo excited about game-a-palooza II tomorrow that my freakin' Gooch is throbbing

Captain Spanky: Whoa Dude, you need to calm down, it sounds like you've got a bad case of Gooch Throb!
by The Padre October 22, 2009
a gooch stroker is a person who takes pleasure from stroking the gooch of either themself or the gooch of another.

They may stroke their own gooch as part of the act of masturbation, but gooch stroking may also be totally non-sexual. Gooch strokers tend to form clans who after intense training in gooch dojos are accetped as a true gooch assasin.
Mandy: Oh Wantabe, let me stroke your gooch while I pleasure you

Wantanabe: hell no, there aint no way I'm letting your fingers anywehere near my gooch, or my bacon strip, you gooch stroker!
by The Padre October 19, 2009
A gooch snort is the practice of inhaling cocaine or possibly wasabi from a mans gooch. The mans gooch will have had to be specially prepared, resulting in a gooch strip being made so that the cocaine or wasabi can be snorted without interferrence from gooch hair.

Gooch snorting is a practice common among many gooch assasins, who often snort wasabi as part of their mystic ritual used in gooch dojos.
Lester lay Stevie down and ran his finger along the freshly waxed gooch strip, "stevie love this is just perfect for ol' Les to have a quick gooch snort" he said as he quickly lay down a line of wasabi. He formed the line with his credit card and counted to three, then he inhaled with all his might, the gooch snort was complete.
by The Padre October 27, 2009
a term used to describe a known 'self proclaimer' or other person who like to talk themself up.

The term is derived from the name of 'Bishop' Brian Tamaki, leader of New Zealand's Destiny Church, who had himself proclaimed as a Bishop by other self proclaimed Bishop Eddie Long.
Wilhelm: man did you hear Klaus going on about how many girls hes had sex with?

Johannes: Ja! hes such a Bishop brian, we both know hes still a virgin cock swaddler!

Wilhelm: I know, what a little gooch assasin!
by The Padre October 17, 2009
A perjorative term used to describe a man who touches himself far more than he ought.
Mother:For crying out loud, Jacob is playing with himself again.

Father: that boys needs to take his hand off it, he's turning into a real cock swaddler!
by The Padre October 17, 2009

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