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3 definitions by The Jerkman

 
1.
1. Check the dirty laundry. While you woman is in the shower, check her bra and panty size. Nothing ruins a sexy gift of lingerie quicker than buying her something two sizes too big. No matter how good she looks, she's self concious about her figure.
2. You are not shopping for Heidi Klum. Be realistic about your selection of lingerie. Buy something appropriate to your woman's body type. Does she have a baby belly, and an awesome rack? Shop a baby doll which draws the eyes to the cleavage, and covers the belly. That corset may look hot on some 90lb boob jobbed model, but your woman will hate it. She may actually want to draw a breath at some point in the evening.
3. Don't be shy. When you are at the lingerie store, get one of the ladies to help you. Now don't be a creep about this, but try to pick out a sales lady with your lady's body type. Give her your woman's measurments early, and she can lead you to something appropriate.
And again, don't be a creep. Keep your eyes on the task.
4. KISS Keep It Simple, Stupid. Think of lingerie as gift wrapping. You want easy access. You do not want to be fighting with a half dozen doubleback hooks, behind her back, while in the throes of passion. A drawstring at the cleavage is perfect. Fun and easy to reveal the prize inside.
5. Complete the package. So you've got some lingerie she will look hot in. Does it need stockings? Again, consult with the sales lady. Buy her favorite wine, or choclate covered strawberries.
by The Jerkman December 25, 2011
10 3
 
2.
The horror movie bimbo is almost always the first to die. She is easily identified as the prettiest in the group. She is usually a bitch. She will have long blonde hair, blue eyes, and fake tits.

In Scary Movie, Carmen Electra played the horror movie bimbo.
by The Jerkman December 18, 2011
7 1
 
3.
When your buddy gets dumped by his girlfriend. And rather than get back out there, chasing tail, he wallows in self pity and masturbates himself to sleep every night.

The only known cure for porn valley syndrome (PVS) is to turn off the porn and go find some strange.
"Hey, what happened to Frank? He used to hang out all the time."
"His girlfriend dumped him. He's been stuck in the porn valley for months now."

"He needs to man up. Climb the other hill and meet some real girls."
by the Jerkman June 25, 2012
3 1