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12 definitions by The Informant99

 
1.
A curious creature, believed to derive from Naval origins, who shits, slams, thunders, or pisses in the oddest of places. Phantom shitters are second to none in terms of secrecy. He/she normally thinks tactically on placement and timing. As a master of clandestine defecating, a phantom shitter is rarely caught and if caught will not disclose the locations of each shit or if there is a second gunman. Typically phantom shitters work alone but at certain times will work in teams of two to throw off the scent of pursuing investigations if there are signs of being targeted for questioning.

Most phantom shitters start off as upper decker shooters and slammers shitting in the top part of the toilet instead of the bottom. The ones who experience the success of this get intoxicated with joy and pursue further into shitting methods. This typically will carry on from ages 12 to 65, depending on time of first phantom shit, and are mostly of the male gender. However the most success potential comes at earlier stages due to younger people being more flexible.

Just as a chef concerns himself with the right ingredients so do phantom shitters. Texture and consistency play a vital role in each shitting environment and opportunity. This normally will depend on the location and who the anal splinter is meant to target.

A small portion of phantom shitters sing or hum their own theme music and it is said to be a one of a kind experience if able to catch on camera.
"Oh my god man. I think the Phantom Shitter has struck again because there is a massive pile of shit in the fudge batter!"
by The Informant99 January 03, 2012
 
2.
A southern term for taking a shit or dropping a duece so to speak. Technically slamming means a massive shit, which in most cases is painful to experience. Due to the fried diet of the south, most slams have large amounts of screaming, moaning, crying, praying, and begging. Many who experience such slams change religions 2 or 3 times and in some cases have even found Waldo during the ordeal. Throughout most of the slam the one taking the slam, also called the slammer, will have slam material better known as reading material to occupy the duration of the painful event. 80% of the time this slam material will consist of up-to-date sports information and news. Though everyone has to live through painful shits it's mostly males who get the brunt of this force. More often than not, males who take slams will have socks on and will keep their phone within an arms reach incase the fire department or medical assistance is needed. It is estimated 1/3 of slammers hallucinate and/or black out due to the amount of pressure put on the rectum and anus.
Wow, I can't believe this guy is slamming in my girlfriend's bathroom.
by The Informant99 January 03, 2012
 
3.
A move done in Halo games and Cock of Duty "Call of Duty" games. A sack of shit who sits and waits for someone to come by and he kills them. 80% of campers masturbate while waiting and for someone to walk by. Most are eating fast food items off their belly while laying on the couch. If they aren't camping then they are standing in the open for all to see and will get killed costing their team the game. No one knows the real truth behind this standing out in the open not doing anything but some experts believe it's due to them taking a break from the game so they can use their banana fingers to dip a french fry in some ketchup, bbq sauce, or straight up jizz. It is estimated 50% of campers rock the foundations of their home whenever taking a shit. Also, it is estimated 75 to 80% wear helmets while eating breakfast fast food and while sleeping.
Wow this camper is an asshole who won't actually go around and earn his kills me actually doing something.
by The Informant99 January 05, 2012
 
4.
Tiny people, not to be confused as midgets, who lived in the parallel world and dimension to ours known as Middle Earth. These people were small but ironically had big feet which in turn was the reason why Gondor used them for underground sex slave trading because big feet means big penis. Many Hobbits were sodomized by people in Gondor and Rohan. Because the males had a dick the size of a cucumber they were used as displays at sex orgies. It was estimated at one point about 92% of households in Gondor had atleast 1 Hobbit used for sexual pleasures and fantasies.

Hobbits were forced to ride the shit out of Dwarves infront of people and farm pigs. This was done to create a new breed of man animals called Dwarbbits which were patented by Gondor and used as a work force.

Hobbit's Masters would get drunk and molest them. At times they were forced to punch into the rectum and anus of their Masters and Lords. This was the starting point of what is known as fisting today. During that time a Hobbit would fist into the pootbox of their Masters they would also have to squeal like a piglet and shit in a cup. Once a week they had to hunt down smurfs and catch them to either kill them or stick them up inside the shit factory of their Masters to tickle the inside of their rectum and anus.
Hobbits look weird as hell with those big feet!
by The Informant99 January 14, 2012
 
5.
Little blue bastards who use the word "smurf" as a noun, verb, adverb, and adjective. In Smurfland they rule the Realm. But in Middle Earth they are used for sexual practices to tickle the inside of the rectum of the Masters and Lords of the Hobbits in Gondor. However, that's only 10% of them. Within Gondor Smurfs are hunted and killed for the most part.

Smurfs are vicious drunks within their realm. They abuse Smurffet, the only female in the village, and run trains on her. They smurf her with their smurfing rods until she smurfs all over herself. 6 out of the 7 days of the week she runs her trick ass up and down the main road in the valley to the highest bidder. They also gang up on squirrels and tie them down and piss on their faces while Pappa Smurf thrusts his smurf spear into the anal cavity of the defenseless animal. Sometimes Smurffet will drug Pappa Smurf's coffee and will sodomize his blue balled ass until his smurf balls explode smurf juice everywhere.
These Smurfs are terrible creatures to ass rape squirrels
by The Informant99 January 14, 2012
 
6.
A kingdom of Middle Earth in the parallel dimension and world to ours. Known for its castle with a pointy cliff tower thing which looks like a mashed in adams apple, it peers in sight to Mordor. Giving the history between the two kingdoms alot of people who lived on the border close to Mordor would have to sacrifice a greased up tea cup pig, a 3 legged goat, and stomp a smurf in order to get Gondor to protect them. Once Gondor received these gifts they would send 1 Calvary company. If 2 smurfs were stomped then they would send the entire Calvary Division. No one understands the hatred Gondor had of smurfs but it was there nonetheless.

While the Elves sodomized the Dwarves, Gondor did the same to the Hobbits. They used Hobbits for underground sex slave trades. They also forced Hobbits and Dwarves to mate to produce an unholy offspring called Dwarbbits to use as a work force. Dwarbbits couldn't speak so it was Gondor's loop hole around labor laws of that time.

All of Middle Earth had a grudge on Gondor though because they were the reason for Mordor coming back to power in the first place. Kings of Gondor were known for giving in to peer pressure. Also, the Kings had a fettish with shiny objects and didn't like to lose jewelry which is how Middle Earth got so F'd up to begin with.
The Kingdom of Gondor made money off the sex slave trade.
by The Informant99 January 07, 2012
 
7.
Elves

Humanoids with pointy ears who got drunk and would molest Dwarves in the Mines of Moria of the 1st Age of the parallel dimension and world of ours called Middle Earth. They operated from years 5012MD "Mordor Domoni" to 108AM "Anno Mordor". It's unclear why Elves did this but it became a part of Elfish drinking games. 89% of Dwarves were unwilling to allow their ass hole to get sodomized so Elves came up with darts to shoot Dwarves to send them into a sexual ecstacy.

Most of Middle Earth knew the savage acts of the Elves but were unwilling to stop it for fear of open war. Gondor and Rohan were both allies with the Elves and Dwarves but it was a can they didn't want to open. Many Dwarves died during the cruel era called the Stank Mines. The biggest cause of death were exploded rectums causing anal seepage, which in turn led to bacteria infections. The Elves had no remorse.

The Dwarves finally rose up and revolted. Most Elves died due to being allergic to axe handles being thrusted up their anus. This gave coining to the phrase "You rip what you sow", ass holes that is.
These Elves keep raping all of the Dwarfs. Someone should do something to the Elves to prevent this happening all the time.
by The Informant99 January 08, 2012