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8 definitions by The Fig

 
1.
adverb

1) When an individual begins a romantic relationship which started on-line, and thinks that he/she has an instant, intimate connection to the other person...which just scares the shit out of the other person when there is marriage and kid talk on a first date!

2) The feeling in a nascent relationship (first date) that you're totally going to get laid that night!

3) When you meet a girl/guy for the first time and one of both of you start talking about super serious shit that happened to you as a kid when it's WAY too early
So I've got a date with this Jenn, who I met on-line, we only talked once on the phone, but emailed for like two weeks everyday and it was instamacy right away! I totally think I'm falling in-like with her, she's 5'8", nice rack, great body, and really funny...I already went to the website to figure out what our kids will look like. Would you think it was odd if someone asked you to marry them on the first date?
by The Fig February 23, 2011
 
2.
The sight of something so effing cute, such as a beagle puppy playing, or any cute puppy, or baby dressed in a onesie that makes them look like a bear or some other fuzzy cute animal. Take an already cute baby, add the onesie multiplier effect and it is too much for most passionate, feeling people to take. Once the cute-rage has occurred, this energy must be dissipated by punching something, typically a large pillow which provides enough resistance for the blows to feel satisfying or hugging the kid/dog so hard their eyes pop out; as this is not an option, you hit the pillow and run around swearing about the cuteness. Cute-rage CANNOT and does not occur with inanimate objects. The DSM only defines cute-rage to occur after seeing a living thing that is off-the-charts cute, or doing something similarly cute.
Holy fawking shit, did you see that four-year-old dressed up as a lion? He had a tail, the hood with ears a la Max from Where the Wild Things Are, whiskers painted on his chubby little cheeks! When he trick-or-treated my house I almost punched a hole in the door from the cute-rage; I was so overtaken by his off-the-charts cuteness! He even growled at me with this little kid voice before the "trick-or-treat".
by The Fig February 06, 2011
 
3.
A room in a corporate office formally known as "Wellness Room" or "Sick Room" where savvy and horny worker bees can go to masturbate or "rub one out" in privacy.
Dude, so yesterday I'm all at work and Priscilla starts sending me all kinda durtee email notes and hot-'n-steamy sexts about how she's super horny and CAN'T wait until I get off work and get to her place...but it was only 10:00 a.m.!

I immediately hit the rub-out-room and drain the venom from my cobra! There was no way I could handle seven more hours of office work with a sack full of venom!
by The Fig July 23, 2014
 
4.
DSM-IV

1) A condition wherein, a person who is an expert at a task, is forced to watch or teach a person who is horrible at the task move really really REALLY slowly. E.G., a luddite using a computer mouse for the first time. The person who is adroit at the task, slowly goes crazy watching the inept person trying to complete this simple thing, and wants to alternately strangle and choke them...but you'd never do such a thing.

2) When walking in a large city, with many pedestrians who are moving slowly, and are not self-aware, that block your path, don't walk straight, stop to take pictures of buildings, et cetera...and you...the fast walker, want to strangle and or choke them and move on...but you'd of course never do such a thing.

3) Anytime you're so pissed at someone or a pet, and you fantasize about strangling and choking them...even though you are so anti-violence that you're a vegan and a card carrying member of Amnesty International
So I'm at my sister's, and holy shit, I effing wanted to strangle-choke her like six times! She's trying to find some pictures on her puter, and I'm showing her how to use Windows Explorer, and WOW, she's a total computer idiot! Finally, I just knocked her ass out of the chair and showed her what to do before someone (her) got strangled, and or choked!
by The Fig June 11, 2011
 
5.
A restroom user who, but virtue of thoroughness, or just total fucked-up/odd ass-wiping technique leaves shit-stained dingle-berries all over the toilet and toilet seat.
Dude, I just went to drop a deuce in the handicap poopin stall and get this; the effing Dinglemonster struck again...little brown rolled up pieces of teepee on the seat, on the floor...all over! Who is this guy? Who could wipe their ass in a manner that leaves dirty shit-paper all over the throne?
by The Fig January 07, 2010
 
6.
Little itty bits of chips at the bottom of the chip bag and the left-over salsa at the bottom of the salsa jar mixed together.
Jim was so jonesing for munchies that he poured the chip-ettes in with the double-dippin left overs at the bottom of the El Paso jar and spooned up the Salscereal .
by The Fig April 16, 2008
 
7.
This crazy rock-like substance that is "hard to get" without shedding a lot of blue blood (but not Blue-Blood) used in the movie Avitar to make smart, thinking people perseverate on this STUPID word for the entire film.
Can you believe those morons who wrote/directed such a creative film were unable to come up with a better word than "unobtainium?" Who came up with this, are they still finding work writing? Are they kicking themselves? What happened to words like kryptonite?
by The Fig January 31, 2010