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2 definitions by The Earthquakes

 
1.
Some jive ass internet from the 90's, back when clowns were rockin 2 phone lines to use the world wide web instead stealing that shiz from their dumbass neighbor that can't seem to figure out how to put a password on their shit. Unfortunately, some zip lock bags still use this shit for on-line gaming and ruin your entire experience, forcing you to call them out on their weak ass game and excuse for an internet.
Guy 1: I was balling out on some fifa until this guys connection went all AOL 4.0 on me
Guy 2: Shiiiiit, did LosDicenme24 strike again?
Guy 1: Yeah what a briar.
Guy 2: Man if I wasn't holding down Jacky's fine wine and spirits, I would have taken that jive ass zip lock bag down at least 2-3 pegs.
by The Earthquakes February 05, 2012
3 3
 
2.
The epitome of all that is weak and most certainly does not keep it fresh. Per common knowledge, a zip lock lock bag looks useful but only really keeps things fresh for a matter of minutes and serves an extremely limited purpose, and this jive ass turkey is no different.
guy 1: "You see Clyde over there, he really brings nothing to the table."
guy 2: "Yeah he's a zip lock bag if I've ever seen one."
guy 1: "word"

or

"That zip lock bag kept my fruit fresh for like 2 hours. These strawberries look like they fucked Eli Whitney's cotton gin. F zip lock bags bro."
by The Earthquakes February 05, 2012
4 4