1. Greatest sport in the history of the human race next to running while having sex with the opposite sex. Involves two teams moving a ball comprised of pig skin down a field to an endzone to score points.
2. Not soccer.
3. Sport at which most other countries outside the United States can't play because they lack a great extent of physical talent. In turn said countries try to claim their inferior sport, which goes by the same name as the USA's, is as good if not better yet consists of a field with a bunch of dorks standing around kicking a ball back and forth for hours. Fans must resort to drinking and using drugs for stimuli since boredom usually ensues after the first 2 minutes of play.
Guy 1: Hey mate let's go to the pub before the football game!
Guy 2: Excellent idea 'ol chap! Let me grab my manpurse before well tally'o down and catch the carriage.
Guy 1: Right'o! I want to make sure I'd good and sauced before the game otherwise I might realize the sport I'm watching is boring as hell.
Guy 2: Brilliant!