1 definition by Steven Davenport

Top Definition
(See Also ned)

To describe townies as the scum of the earth would be understating the obvious. If you are not sure whether or not you are a townie, you probably are. If you can read this your are probably not. In the case of any conflict, the following rules apply.

1) All Townies believe they are "well 'ard." This is demonstrated in several ways, including offering non-verbal abuse at CCTV cameras, intimidating people when in large groups, and throwing things at passing animals. When questioned a townie never knows why he does these things, but feels that they prove he/she is "well 'ard"

2) A Townie is never actually "well 'ard." Confront one you have seperated from the pack, and the intimidating behavior will stop. On their own they are more scared of you than you are of them.

3) In a fight they attack in packs, and with weapons. This is only in the rare case of a "combat pack" of townies. Most packs will shy away from violence altogether.

4) Though Townies will generally have minimal education, those who have been educated are often taught menial labour, such as carpentry or bricklaying. This is an unfortunate slur on legitimate builders and carpenters, and the majority of townies will spend their life In Mcdonalds or other fast food vocation.

Female Townies will invariably be taught in Hair and Beauty care. They do this on the pretence that they aren't following the pack, but are simply doing what all other female townies do. This is again an unfortunate slur on those who choose hairdressing as a legitimate career.

5) Townies smoke. Without exception.

6) Townies will dress in fake burberry, and fake designer goods. All of their clothing is bought for 50p per item from the dodgyest bloke in the local market.

The problem of Townies is getting worse. Due to the fact that they begin to breed at 12, and have no concept of birth control, they are becoming uncontrolable in our society. The two options open are to simply ensure our own offspring are never allowed to join the townies, and wait for them to die off of their own accord, or a mass cull.
Townie: "alright mayte! is this real burberry?"
Market trader: "I just love these Townies"
by Steven Davenport January 26, 2004

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