6 definitions by Spork_damage

Top Definition
The only coherent thought/word/statement available to any respectable sentient beings upon exposure to such items as the following:

1) any 24-hour news network for more than a minute.
2) Explanation of George W. Bush's environmental policy
3) profound rumination on the state of life as we know it
4) Door-to-door Jehovah's Witnesses at 5am
5) the realization that your dogs have eaten your entire easter basket and proceeded to vomit/explosive diarrea the whole thing throughout your living space
6) Stories about imperialism from the 1300's forward
7) the whole Bush administration
CNN: "...have built a twelve foot wall to divide shi'ite and Sunni factions in the capital city...'"
Respectable sentient being: "Oh...oh they fuckin' didn't...they did. Those stupid Fuck-fucketty-fuck-fuck-fuckers!"

by Spork_damage April 26, 2007
1) An unknown, unusual or otherwise obtuse object used in sexual intercourse.
2) A word substituted for "penis" when a person is too high/ buzzed/ stoned/orgasmically blissful/ hit-about-the-head-as-a-child/ drunk, or otherwise mentally hindered, to remember the word "penis."
3) obscene variation of the word "thingamajigger"
4) a large windmill
5) an Irish step dancer who is eminently fuckable
6) word for a means to jump-start sex (for those of us too lazy for the word 'aphrodisiac')
7) another excuse to say "fuck" in one way or another
1) Person 1: "That...uhm...the fuckamajigger."
Person 2: "Sybian machine? Dildo? Vibrator?"
Person 1: "One of those."
2) Guy: "My uh...kicked me in my fuckamajigger. The thing I fuck with, that I use to fuck, that I put in the-"
Other Guy: "What have you been smoking and why have you not shared with me?"
3) "You know the think with the little whirly bits that smells like toast? The red one? You know, the fuckamajigger!"
4) "Damn that thing is huge! What a fuckamajigger."
5) "He starts up that Irish jig and I just wanna have 'im fuck me senseless."
"Hmm, I love a good fuckamajigger"
6) "I heard that dark chocolate is kind of a jump-start fuckamajigger."
7) "Fuck the fuckin' fuckers' fuckamajigger!"
by Spork_damage April 26, 2007
1) To demonstrate a sexual act,
2) to insert a penis somewhere only to somehow have one's balls chopped off, or to be such an utter manwhore and do so much fucking around that you get justifiably castrated.
3) to orchestrate an orgy
4) a state of frustration caused by one's current sex life (or lack thereof)
1) "Just allow me to fuckastrate the proper technique of cunnulingus..."
2) "There is not an orfice within a 10 mile radius, aside from a few women present (including your wife), that you have not penetrated. Therefore, we shall now castrate you with these rusty pliers."
3) Keeping time with his hands like a band director, the fuckastrator shouts,"And now one-two-three––thrust harder brass section––and lubricate, lubricate..."
4) "I am so goddamn fuckastrated! Even the shower massage no longer helps!"
by Spork_damage April 26, 2007
A fortune-telling game using cards that offers advice or prophecy concerning a person's sex life.
"That is the weirdest fortune-teller I've ever been to. She just kept saying the Fuck Taro cards were not in my favor."
"Well, you are an unnatractive asshole with no chance of getting laid in the future, so that makes sense."
by Spork_damage April 26, 2007
A pole, pillar or other cylindrical object that can and does survive the stress of a body being pinned against it by another body as the owners of the two bodies proceed to fuck senseless.
"Let's go sit out by the flagpole."
"No, man, Tim took his girlfriend and went and made it a fuck pole. I swear to god there's a stain."
by Spork_damage April 26, 2007
If you want torture, they've got it: iron maidens, thumbscrews (the original gameboys), the rack (not tits, folks), the wheel, cat o' ninetails, anal pears, whips, water-torture (but not Chinese because Jesuits considered them heathens), and painful vises to make you confess even imaginary vices! This is the Spanish Inquisition at its finest. You want zealots; Jesuits are Zealot's-R-Us's finest antique models.
Can you think of anything better than being brutally tortured until you confess to being a filthy heathen (probably a jew) in love with (and having had vast orgies with the minions of) Satan?

What a bunch of bastards...
"Jesuits?"
"NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!"
(partly taken from Monty Python)
by Spork_damage April 26, 2007

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