When a decent looking woman has a shocking amount of excessive cellulite or pock marks on her upper thighs or lower buttocks.
Clarence: Dude, I was about to nail karen last night in my pick-up truck for the first time when I noticed all the hail damage on her ass. It was worse than my Uncle's Volkswagon, and he lives in Colorado too.
Jeb: That's gross man, what did you do?
Clarence: I turned off the cabin light and continued. I'm serious though, it looked like a kettle Corn sleeve full of cottage cheese
When a man ejaculates on the face of his partner under a black light. The light causes the salty maple syrup to glow while marinating on the victim's face, thus causing the beard shaped puddle to illuminate. Talented bearders can design mustaches and sideburns as well.
Jeb: Hey, how was the rave at 'Club Cage' last night?
Clarence: From what I remember it was a very special time. Karen and I reached a new point in our relationship because there were black lights in the bathroom as well. I convinced her to follow me in so I could finally give her a neon beard.
Jeb: That IS special, congratulations on the milestone, and tell Karen the same. How'd it turn out?
Clarence: I was so backed up that she ended up with a mustache like William Taft's, side-burns like Chester Arthur's, and a raging James Garfield beard.