10 definitions by Snarfy

Just like normal cyber sex, except one person is either retarded, a noob 2 this sorta thang, or really a 12yr old kid.
Either way, both people are usualy fugly, also known as "lights out jobs".

Cyber sex is also what the internet was invented for
oh, and screen wipes.
Cyber Sex Gone Wrong:-

Charlotte: hi, how r u
Dave: fine thanks, although a little nervous
Charlotte: don’t be, I’ve done this before
Dave: Really? well great, so ummm maybe you should start then.
Charlotte: ok sexy
Charlotte: I’m leaning out of my bedroom window wearing a silk nightie. I can see you walking past. You look a little tipsy
Dave: wow, I have actually been drinking tonight
Charlotte: The wind blows my hair and I flick it back over my shoulder.
Dave: Ummm. I look up and notice you
Charlotte: Our eyes make contact
Dave: wow, breasts. I break eye contact and look at your breasts instead.
Charlotte: You like my breasts?
Dave: very much
Charlotte: I squeeze them together and pout at you.
Dave: mucky fat tits, loverly
Charlotte: I nod my head in the direction of my open front door below
Dave : Wow, its open. You shouldn’t leave your door open like that. Anyone could get in u know
Charlotte: Well maybe I wanted anyone to get in. you are anyone Dave
Dave: ok
Dave: I walk up your garden path and push your front door open.
Charlotte: You hear me shuffling around upstairs
Dave: Nice house you live in. There’s some nice stuff here. You really shouldn’t have left that door open you know.
Charlotte: I call to you softly from upstairs.
Dave: Pardon? I couldn’t quite here. I was shutting the door and the wind sort of took it out of my hands n made it slam loudly
Charlotte: I call again from upstairs, a little louder this time.
Dave: are u alone in this house? I don’t want to wake everyone up n that door really did slam quite loudly.
Charlotte: Yes dave, you have me all to yourself.
Dave: Great!
Charlotte: I call again from the landing at the top of the stairs. Come up. I want you closer. I want to feel the heat of your body against mine
Dave: Ok
Dave: I walk up the stairs. They creak a little.
Charlotte: I walk back in to the bedroom and wait for you on the bed
Dave: damn n blast it !
Charlotte: Whats the matter
Dave: I stubbed my toe. You have one of those stair lift thingies and I hurt myself on it in the dark
Charlotte: No I don’t Dave. Do you want me or not?
Dave: yes of course
Charlotte: Well stop being silly then
Dave: ok, sorry.
Charlotte: well come up stairs. I am waiting on the bed for you
Dave: ok, I sit on the stair lift and press the up button and glide up the stairs
Charlotte: I am getting cross now.
Dave: So you like it rough then?
Charlotte: Some times, but that’s not the point. You are being silly
Dave: sorry
Dave: again
Charlotte: ok, carry on then.
Dave: I enter your bedroom. I slide on to the bed and push your hair aside
Charlotte: That’s better. I close my eyes and arch my back at your touch. I have a silk scarf in my hands
Dave: I take the silk scarf and tie you to the bed.
Charlotte: yes dave, tie me up. Do what you want to me
Dave: anything?
Charlotte: Yes dave. Anything. I am all yours.
Dave: Great!
Dave: I slowly remove your knickers
Charlotte: I open my legs wide for you to see what you want better
Dave: I kiss your lips softly and slowly remove your rings from your fingers
Charlotte: why are you removing my rings?
Dave: Well I prefer you naked
Charlotte: ok
Dave: and I am also a burglar. You really shouldn’t have left your door open you know
Charlotte: what? Are you crazy?
Dave: no a burglar, I told you already. These rings look expensive. And this really is a nice house. Expensive things. And since the invention of LCD TV’s they have become lighter and easier to carry.
Charlotte: ok, forget it
Dave: I put your rings in my swag bag. Grab your telly and a few expensive ornaments and load them on to the stair lift and press the down button
Charlotte: you are retarded
Dave: Do you have a shopping trolley or something cuz I think I grabbed to many things
Charlotte: Fuck off you arsehole
Dave: I steal your shopping trolley, load my swag in to it and make my way back down your garden path.
Charlotte: Fuck you
Dave: I will close the door for you on my way out. There are some dodgy people around this neighborhood you know.
Charlotte: I am going
Dave: you cant, I left you tied up. And I took your knickers and all your clothes. You are naked. You cant go out
Dave: Cash converters here I come !
Charlotte logs out
by Snarfy June 10, 2009
erm, used by men and women all over the world.

often called a "thingy"
or
penis, willy, balls, cock, lovewand, pink torpeedo, fuckwand, fuckstick, love truncheon, meat, one eyed trouser snake.

has been known to leak from one end unless like u bang a cork in the end of it or sumink.
(_)_)ΞΞΞΞΞΞΞΞЭ <Suck here

^and sometimes here
by Snarfy June 09, 2009
The act of wanking, hand shandy, knocking one out, pulling ones self off,
Mother: wft are you doin under thoese bed sheets timmy?
Timmy: erm, playing tents.
Mother: no thats deffinately wrist jogging !!!!!
by Snarfy June 07, 2009
the act of a man sticking his "thingy" in a chicks shitter if he's one lucky son of a bitch for havin a mrs that lets him get away with that sorta thang !!

God intended for women to take it up the arse avery once in a while or he never woulda put the 2 holes that close together that us blokes could make the mistake in the first place
Wendy: i think my arse grapes are playing up again
Snarfy: nvm, let me do you up the wrongun n poke em back in with my "thingy"
by Snarfy June 07, 2009
best done with a taller man and a shorter woman

The man stands facing the womans back, bends his knee's slightly and sticks his dick up her arse.
He then straightens his legs lifting her tiny lil feet off the ground, slightly remeniscent of Wile Coyote just after he's run off the edge off a cliff and is hanging in the air with legs still running.
the man then uses one hand to set the woman spinning on his dick

Note:-
1. Wearing a pilots helmet, making helecopter noises with your mouth and pretend you are back in the 90's playing LHX Attack Chopper on your old Sega Meagdrive is optional but may enhance the experience somewhat.

2. It is strongly adviseable NOT to perform this particular sexual position if you were in the Vietnam war as it may cause flashbacks, leading you to crash your female helicopter in to the sofa, apply camoflage makeup and go live in the bush in the back garden for several weeks before finaly emerging and uttering the phrase "You wasnt there man" to random passers by,

3. You will end up with a brown ring on your thing. in fact, if your a white guy, the end of your penis may actualy end up looking like that of a pakistani man due to the colour change, except considerably longer cuz we all know pakistani's have small dicks, or at the very least, it will look like your penis has a sun-tan
Bertha: Hey, what the fuk? where did you just ram that thing
Olaf : Right up your shitter.we are about to have propeller sex baby !
Bertha: No, wait !!!! i get dizzy easy and.. . . .oh. . .woooo woooo woooo woooo !
by Snarfy June 10, 2009
Someones Poohole after its been reamed out by someones dick, or a dildo
(____(o)____)
by Snarfy June 17, 2009
when women are on the blob (Their monthlies) they get a little cranky and moody. You cant win an arguement with a woman thats on the blob.
Come to think of it, you cant win an arguement with a woman period. Well, you can, but she'll make you pay for it.

Manblob is the male equivilent.
Men may not bleed like the women do for obvious reasons, but they get just as cranky, argumentative and stropy.
Dave:Whats the matter with you?
James: Fuckoff you cancerous polyp on the anus of humanity !!
Dave: Oh you have manblob.
*dave kicks James in the Mangina*
by Snarfy June 15, 2009

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