1. A large flightless bird that once kicked my arse. True story, happened at Alma Park Zoo in Brisbane, Australia. Very fucking nasty claws.
Me: "When i was 7 i got my arse handed to me by a 6 foot tall bird called an emu"
Random: "Thats awesome"
Me "What the hell is wrong with you, thats a pretty big bird attacking a pretty small person"