Bears are large furry carnivores of the family Ursidae. Large bears can measure up to 14 feet tall when standing on their hind legs, and 2000 pounds (1 ton). Bears are found all over the world, but generally speak with pronounced Russian
accents. Bears are known to enjoy raw salmon
, with copious amounts of vodka
. Never, under any circumstances, try to out-drink a bear. Their superior body mass and Russian-ness will allow them to drink you under the table without even getting tipsy. Many bears also enjoy Cuban cigars.