56 definitions by Robert Lanham, Author of Food Court Druids, Cherohonkees, and Other Creatures Unique to the Republic

Family members with shifty eyes and overly friendly hugs who discover their affectionate side when their cousins and nieces buy their first training bra.
Whereas flirtatious grandpas are usually written off as being harmless, Twister Uncles sometimes require a tongue-lashing from Cousin Willy.
Passive-aggressive Jews who date non-Jews to avoid commitment.
When things get too serious, Antigentites simply break things off, insisting they can only commit to Jewish partners.
An Active career mom who doesn't have time for sports, save an occasional visit to the gym.
The Treadmill Mom picks up her kids from soccer practice when time allows, but generally leaves it up to her husband
HomoFabs suggest that they're not homophobic since they watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
HomoFabs are similar to people who claim not to be racists by saying "I have lots of black friends."
the quietest person in the office during the workday, but after a couple of drinks at the company picnic she's ready to lean over a balcony Mardi Gras-style and take her top off for Girls Gone Wild
Dry Lumps are shy and 100 percent business until one drop of booze transforms her like a shot of Jekyll's formula.
People who challenge the conventions of fashion by clashing what appears to be a clean and ironed look with a rank unkempt stench reminiscent of the Bally towel bin.
Unlike the typical unkempt person who knows he's probably a little ripe but just doesn't care, people who are B.O.Blivious are completely unaware of the problem.
The lovable guy in the office whose lack of diligence is overlooked because he's so darn nice
When it comes to anything outside the realm of television, sports, or pop culture, Hall Monitors are boderline retarded, but they're so agreeable and good-natured that they appeal to everyone nonetheless.

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