The simultaneous act of masturbating and sobbing like it's the apocalypse. This is often done as an act of relaxation, stress relief, and/or self-pity. The beat and weep can occur at any time of day and in any place, unfortunately sometimes it is mid-day and in a public setting, but you just can't help it. Common triggers for the beat and weep include but are not limited to Sarah McLachlan songs, Dawsons Creek episodes, SPCA commercials, and The Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan. This unfortunate act happens all too often because every one knows tears are the best lubricant.
Instead of going to the concert in the park with all his friends, Keegan stayed home after a long day to sit in the dog cage and have himself a lonely beat and weep.