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9 definitions by Prozic

 
1.
That Smiley Face Blue Light Specialist. We've all met one. They love the Greeters and the Greeters Hate them. He's either 3 feet of heat or 6 feet of meat. He possibly has either has a dead deer on the roof of his truck or a confederate flag on the back. A WalMartAholic shops Exclusively at Walmart, purchases excessive amounts of pickles in large jars from China and Copious amounts of Toilet Paper. This is SuperSize me land. You can't buy porn, but you can buy profilactics. This is the kind of place that warns you that your Superman Halloween Costume or Pajamas are Flameable, but it's not Ok to listen to great music. This is not Global, this is boring. Place of origin: where there are lots of possums.
<Son of A>, I just saw a WalmartAholic leave Walmart with shotgun shells, a case of cheap beer, hotdogs, a carton of smokes and a Deer Hunting Magazine...let's stay in tonight and hide.
by Prozic December 11, 2005
 
2.
Someone with a major short person inferiority complex. Think Napoleon. This is usually someone who works in a chop shop, online porn or a stock pump it and dump it establishment. This person usually yells and runs around and might be known to jump on top of desks and scream about nothing to speak of. They might be rude to clients that pay them. This person likely does not have an email address nor knows how to search the web. Their cell phone is the size of a backpack or a phone booth. These are the Bud Light Bar Fleas, screwed because they have nothing much upstairs and not much to stand on besides a pair of Kenneth Cole shoes with lifts and Rogaine in the brain. Their devious nature gets them somewhere, but it's usually pretty shady and rat infested.
I just got my ass chewed by my 3 Feet of Heat boss. He has no idea that I am getting promoted over him and that he will be stuck in middle management for the rest of his life, or until he gets fired next week for using the company card at the strip joint during lunch. Hey, there are bigger chop shop and call centers right around the bend.
by Prozic December 11, 2005
 
3.
When you have some sort of bodily affliction you can fix on your own and you utilize household tools. If you don't have to go to the ER and you can do it on your own.

Personal surgery.

Tools could include using things like butter knives, steak knives, tweezers, scissors, needles, razor blades, finger nails, etc...

I was on a <bender> and ended up with a burn on my leg from when I fell in the bonfire. I have performed self surgery and cut out the burn area with a butter knife; avoiding the perilous emergency room.
by prozic December 14, 2005
 
4.
Holiday Life where Cat Naps are encouraged and necessary. The Global World through the Eyes of a Cat Named Squirrel. It's a happy, furry, relaxing place; where cat naps are encouraged and you experience Global Jetset Life to the fullest!
MC: If you were voted Ms. Global JetSet what would you do for the Squirreled?
Candidate: If I were voted Ms. Global JetSet I would fight for Squirreled Peace and I believe in power of The Squirreled Wide Web to make this a reality.
by Prozic December 13, 2005
 
5.
Choppy Coffee is a drug that you chop up and snort. Such as coke, meth, or anything else you can get your paws on to get that razor blade out and line em up. Plan for prolonged hours of daylight and interupted sleeping habits, but a damn good time!
I got some great Choppy Coffee last night and threw a huge Bender Party at my house! I've been up for f-ing 2 days and still raging on!
by Prozic December 11, 2005
 
6.
Do Multiplication tables scare you, Is Adding difficult, is Division too hard to spell...let alone perform? Then Math for Trees is for You! This is math for the <short bus> crew. Hey, maybe spelling is your strongpoint, if you can spell Algebra. Don't feel bad for taking Math for Trees, just don't hit your head again when you fall out of it. See <Falling out of Your Tree>.
I was dropped on my head when I was a child. I'm taking Math -101 in summer school. The Course is called Math for Trees.
by Prozic December 11, 2005
 
7.
The opposite of 3 Feet of Heat. He's Bill Lumberg from Office Space. He asks to you fill out TPS reports and has meetings about meetings. He rides the elevator all day to different inane meetings simply because this is the closest he is going to get to being upwardly mobile. He is annoying, he drives a classic company car and says cheezy cliches, like, "Gee Bob, looks like that deal really got Egg on Your Face". He throws some crowd pleaser work related fits, but he is far less harmless than <3 Feet of Heat> and sometimes actually rather entertaining in a claws on the chalkboard kind of way. He reads 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and has been reading it for over 7 years. He enjoys the Company Picnic and probably tends the grill. The 6 Feet of Meat man is stuck in Middle Management, this is not the <renaissance man>, this is no David. He is limited by his intelligence and connections, but we sometimes love to hate him anyway.
My 6 Feet of Meat Boss just had me fill out a call sheet of everyone I called today. I asked if I could email it to him and he told me I had to write it out with my company issued pen... And then he asked me what email was and walked away with his company issued coffee mug.
by Prozic December 11, 2005