The frontman for titanic German metal group Rammstein, widely considered one of the most awesome bands in the world. Musician, poet, former competative swimmer, former basket-weaver and part-time Demi-God. Till Lindeman is the anthropomorphic personification of pure masculinity who invented the often-lethal dance move: The Till Hammer, a thigh-pounding mosh technique that replicates a blacksmith smashing the ever-loving shit out of an anvil like it was a ginger stepson. As well as being a warrior, he is also a gentleman and has been known to let you stay in the room while he fucks your girlfriend and mother at the same time.
Till Lindemann taught Chuck Norris the roundhouse kick due to feeling sorry for him after kicking his ass in a barfight.
David Hasselhoff first turned to drink after poncing about on the Berlin wall and having it shatter underneath him when Till Lindemann walked past, doing some light vocal practices, inadvertantly re-unifying Germany.
Every German fertility clinic features a cardboard cutt-out of Till Lindeman choking a shark with one hand, whilst cradling a kitten in his other, looking directly at the styrrups in the insemination room. To this day they have a 100% success rate.
The alternative defintion of a Ladyboner, when a woman becomes so uncontrollably turned-on, she begins to produce vaginal secretions to the point that her Sarlac resembles a Coffee-house Capuccino. Otherwise known as "Predator-Rabies", or "The Gerard-Buttler-Effect".
"I was watching 'The Passion of the Christ' and got such a huge 'Froth-on' that I had to Feed the Pony right there in the cinema"
"Jeez mom, just let me do my homework before dad comes to pick me up for visitation..."
"...And so when I saw your grandmother get a 'Froth-on' so brutal she looked like her jogging bottoms were a goddamn Rorschach test during an episode of Roots, I figured she wasn't actually 1/16th Italian and that your mother probably was sired by that Jiggaboo who 'Just helped her carry her groceries'. Anyway Junior, I digress, why should Grandpappy help pay towards your college tuition?"
A Nubian powerhouse who fought cancer and beat it so bad, he has pitied it ever since. Mr. T is a former boxer, wrestler, bouncer and current actor who's regular arm-wrestling matches with Chuck Norris and Till Lindemann have been responsible for both the recent Japanese Earthquakes near Fukusima and the Somalia drought respectively. Mr. T is one of the most powerful and compassionate men in history, both crushing and pitying his aversaries with equal measure. He is also humble, allowing Sylvester Stallone to put hands on him briefly to facilitate the filming of Rocky III. Do not, however, think of him as soft... Throughout the filming of The A-Team, he flat out refused to tolerate mental illness in Murdoch, considering it a weakness, stating throughout the series that he unequivocately "pitties the foo'". Mr. T is also a true humanitarian who gave nearly all his gold necklaces (Enough to smother an Egyptian Pharoah 3-times over) away after helping with the Hurricane Katrina cleanup effort. In short - A Total Fucking Legend.
In the time you took to read this, Mr. T built a tank out of two milk cartons, three lawn-darts, a tube of lubricant and a beat-up old 80's van. He then drove said tank through the reinforced doors of a burning barn in South America and managed to topple a paramilitary dictator without actually killing anyone. The fuck have YOU done today?
"Mrs. thompson, I'm afraid after young Jimmy was kidnapped and found 3 days later in the woods, we ran some routine tests on him. And it seems he has acute Mercury Poisoning... Oh stop fucking crying, can't you see I'm Hungover?"
"Hey Tom, man you look great! You lost a ton of weight. How did you do it?" "Well Sam, I shared a needle in a squat a few weeks back and now I got Mercury Poisoning. I won't lie, it kinda rocks!"
That weird, rectangular container found next to the toilet in your office? The one that smells faintly of iron? That's a Bloodmouse Mass-Grave. The place where ladies throw their spent Dracula's Teabags. In the war on menstruation, there are many casualties, so let us spare a thought for all those Bloodmice who have met a sticky end so that women can wear white pants while queefing Clots in the workplace.
One time at work, I went to the bathroom to take a shit, when I slipped on a puddle by the sink... I crashed head-first into the Bloodmouse Mass-Grave and caused the contents to spill over me.... I looked like "Swamp-Thing", if he'd been painted dark-red. To make matters worse, I was persued by bears all the way home...