n. A small arctic bird of the grouse family usually found on the tundra. Epitomizing manliness and rugged sexuality, it has been called the most rawly attractive animal on earth. The male is known for its peculiar mating habits which involve several months of stalking its potential mate and culminating in several minutes of angry coitus. This method is extremely effective in populating the tundra. It is also the only known species of fowl to be resistant to bird flu and liberalism. The prairie chicken and the mallard are the pitiful rivals of the Ptarmigan. Ptarmigans have been known to rape and pillage entire nest-cities of prairie chickens and mallards. A legendary intramural sports organization at U of D Jesuit in Detroit is named and modeled after the majestic Ptarmigan.
-"That Ptarmigan is manliest creature I have ever seen."
-Prairie Chicken: "I'm afraid for my children."
-Mallard: "We should be."
-"Hey man who are we playing in intramurals today?"