3 definitions by Ontology Mustard

Top Definition
After the boom of soft porn in the 1970s and the mainstream advent of hard porn in the 80s-90s, smart porn is the inevitable market leader in adult entertainment for the the 21st century.

Taking its name from the international dynamics of the behaviour exerted by nations in the form of 'hard power' and 'soft power' (coercion via military might and co-option and attraction, respectively), 'smart power' combines elements of these two to achieve more than each is capable of individually.

Therefore:

Smart porn blends the best elements of hard and soft pornography, (doing away with 'gonzo' bullshit and exploiting the best angles, as well as genuinely attractive actors to capture authentic eroticism and artistic integrity without sacrificing the visually explicit element of the audiovisual experience. In addition, great importance is given to aspects such as high production value, quality of location and engaging storyline.

Examples of smart porn companies include Private Media Group and Marc Dorcel (proving once again that the Europeans are the real masters in this long standing artform). Smart porn is aimed just as much at the adventurous female audience as at the typical male target.
Dude: hey sweet cheeks, wanna come back to my place and spark up some OG kush with a porno in the background?

Chick: are you kidding? I'm not the kind of girl who's into hard porn

Dude: this ain't no shitty hard porn honeybuns, I only ever put on the smart porn for the special lady friends. Get ready to enjoy the way porn was meant to be viewed.

Chick: well, ok...
by Ontology Mustard November 14, 2010

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Noun.

1) The condition contracted by a man's penis subsequent to a prolonged duration of time during which coitus has been completely lacking. Said period of celibacy may be externally imposed (due to continual failure to get laid despite best efforts) or self-enforced (a deliberate abstention from sexual activity for various and unexplained reasons).

2) Noun used to describe a refusal of sex by a male to his partner, generally to punish said partner for perceived or actual wrongdoing. However, due to man's extreme inability to successfully refrain from sex when offered it, this condition is extremely rare indeed, and typically only lasts for a matter of minutes or hours before thawing occurs.
1): - "Hey, what's up with Matt? He's walking funny."
- "Yeah, the poor chap hasn't had his leg over in 8 months"
- "Shit, he must be suffering from some serious cockfrost"

"I've been sexually abstinent now for over a week and am beginning to experience the first clinical signs of cockfrost."

2): Sarah: "Come on Rob darling, I said I was sorry, please can we have make-up sex?"
Rob: "No Sarah, because of your inconsiderate transgression I shall now be withholding sex from you."
Sarah: (sighs) "I guess Rob has cockfrost again."

5 minutes later:

Rob: "Ok, consider yourself forgiven."
by Ontology Mustard September 15, 2010

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The act of dropping a godawful burst of bowel gas, typically while surrounded by a densely packed crowd and often in a captive environment, such as the London underground or a bus with standing room only.
1) I boarded the extremely busy train at Blackfriars on the circle line and after the doors shut, I deliberately detonated a sewerside bomb. It wasn't long before the harrowing consequences of my olfactory assault were visible on every disgusted face within a three metre radius.

2) Whilst standing on the bus the other day I had the irresistible urge to barf and it soon became evident that a despicable sewerside bomber was in our midst.
by Ontology Mustard May 02, 2016

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