As a police man, I've never encountered a gang of rogueish fiends more terrifying than the Gables Centaurs. My first experience with them was during a gang fight between the Key Rats. The Key Rats had guns and knives, and were much bigger and gayer than the Gables Centaurs could ever be. But nonetheless, the Centaurs kicked the Key Rats' asses! All they had against the Key Rats' guns and knives were frozen baguettes and soggy hot dogs! Yet, here I see them slapping them across the face with the wet hot dog, and beating the Key Rats over the head with baguettes! It was a blood bath...horrifying to watch. Their leaders, Sophocles and Homer the Blind Poet then leered at me and started reciting lines from Greek Mythology. I almost shat myself. I've been through gang violence and drug busts, but nothing could've ever prepared me for my scuffle with the Centaurs. I'll never forget it...I started running to my car as fast as I could, but before I could reach it, they threw a bowl of French Onion soup at me. God knows why the hell they had a bowl of French Onion soup with them, those diabolical motherfuckers. The scalding liquid peremeated my flesh, I cowered to the floor, writhing with agony. I woke up ten days later in a hospital, with an acute case of amnesia, but an even more acute case of Frenchonionesia -- the chronic sent of French Onion Soup. To this day, I still smell like French Onion soup, all thanks to those Gables Centaurs bastards. One day...ah, what am I saying. I'll never get back at those Food Warriors. Never in my life. A man can wish though, a man can wish...
1. Hide your children, those bad mothafuckas the Gables Centaurs is a-walkin' down the street!
2. Key Rats shit themselves when they see Gables Centaurs with frozen baguettes and hot dogs.
3. No one can fight with French Onion soup more effectively than the Gables Centaurs.
The weakest gang on the planet. All we have to do to round up Key Rats is shoot a squirt gun at them, and they start running into the squad car. You can recognize key rats because they're always making castles in the sand, boogie boarding, playing in a sprinkler in their front lawn, or getting their asses kicked by the Gables Centaurs
. They're pathetic!
On a scale of toughness from 1 to 10, ifGables Centaurs
are a 10, then the Key Rats are a 1.