3 definitions by Officer Jordan

EarthBound is a kickass game made by the famous Japanese personality Shigesato Itoi for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (Super Famicom in Japanese). It's the second in a series of games called Mother, but you don't need to play the first one to understand EarthBound's plot. It was released in Japan in 1994 and in America in 1995, and proceeded to get an awesome cultlike fanbase in the 2000s.

It tells the tale of the boy named Ness, who would later appear in Super Smash Bros. games, and his new friends. Paula, a girl with powerful psychic abilities, is found relatively early in the game, and then meet up with Jeff, a mechanical genius. Eventually, the three of them encounter a mysterious eastern prince named Poo, and they all form a dream team to save the world. At the beginning of the game, you can even name them whatever you want, and you can name your favorite food, favorite thing and your pet dog too.

The game is brilliant because of its off-the-wall humor. You can find perfectly good burgers from the trash, and there are a lot of trippy drug references, Beatles references and complaints about the IRS. It's a zany trip through a modern world that resembles America, and everyone wears modern clothes. Instead of magic, the heroes (except for Jeff) use psychic powers, or PSI. Weapons are baseball bats, frying pans, slingshots, homemade bottle rockets, and yo-yos. If you're hungry, you can order a pizza. And aliens, robots and UFOs are rampant. Weird little creatures like Mr. Saturns and Tendas are often enjoyable to talk to.

The graphics are cute, yet vivid in color. You may not be impressed at first, but the Peanuts-reminiscent characters walking around fit the mood a lot. The battle backgrounds are trippy, colorful and warp the background. The music is made up of a cornucopia of genres from heavy metal to country to weird ambient techno to something that sounds like it might be an instrumental of a song by The Who.

EarthBound is also a roller-coaster ride. Despite the game's humor, it also has a wondrous value to it, and near the end of the game, it's more terrifying and psychological. Some moments are geniunely emotional, and some moments might make you nauseous. Be prepared to carry a barf bag AND a tissue box. And you might want to take some drugs before you check out what's behind the counter at the cafe.

EarthBound is greatly celebrated on the internet. Starmen.Net, created by a small community of people who first got EarthBound in 1995, has expanded to a large central hub for EarthBound information. It's a place to find tons of fanart, fanfics and other creative things about EarthBound and the other games in its parent series, MOTHER.

I recommend that if you don't own this game (and/or an SNES), get it on eBay or just download it, even though the latter is illegal. But, if you have a Wii, you might be in luck. The ESRB has recently rated EarthBound, so it may eventually show up on the Virtual Console. Playing it on a TV might be the closest experience to the original, though the fun Nintendo Power's player's guide may be something worth looking for.

It's not a video game. It's a way of life.
If you name your favorite food Babies, you get this:
Ness's Mom: You look tired. Are you hungry? Ok, eat some Babies and scoot up to bed.

You meet the New Age Retro Hippie.
New Age Retro Hippie used Ruler!
New Age Retro Hippie can now measure things easily!

Annoying Old Party Man grumbled about today's youth.

Master Barf: Gwahaha! *burp* Drown to death in puke! Don't you think that's an incredibly masculine taunt?

Citizen: Here's a quiz. A Beatles song, XXXterday. Can you fill in the blanks? (Yes or no choice)
Ness: Yes.
Citizen: Correct!

Gang Member: To tell the truth, I like drinking tea and eating fresh vegetables, but that doesn't fit my super cool image. I guess I just have to accept this about myself.

Mr. Saturn: Boing! Zoom! You want a Peanut Cheese Bar? Yummy!

Cameraman: 1, 2, 3... Say "fuzzy pickles"!

Player: I played EarthBound for two days straight without taking a bathroom break...
Player's Friend: Dude, are you alright?
Player: I'm better than I've ever been, in fact... *collapses*
by Officer Jordan May 05, 2008
The day everybody hates to have to put up with. Monday is the morning of the week, and it gives a general tired feeling and the return to work or school. It has worse weather than the other days of the week, too. Dreary and puts you in a bad mood.
Guy: It's Monday once again. God help me.
by Officer Jordan April 21, 2008
A product that is essentially a scam, marketed to sound nutritious. The catchy names sound good enough at first, but it's just marketing being employed. It has become an addiction to many people, usually in the USA.

Vitamin water is sugar water. While pure water bottles can hydrate you properly, the sugar water nullifies much of that effect and makes it somewhat like a disguised carbonated soft drink. This is why many people feel hyper after drinking vitamin water, and it provides one of those spontaneous bursts of energy that leave your body more tired afterwards, though most people don't realize it, and mistake the initial burst as the "magic touch", and they don't understand why they feel so tired afterwards. This is what also generates its addicting power, and what makes people shell out $3 for it.

Plus, don't drink more than one bottle, ever, because it will give you a vitamin overdose and leave you with severe symptoms such as a migraine headache, nausea, walking difficulties, blurry vision and more. Besides that, the sugar assists to bloat you.
Vitamin water is a modern scam!
by Officer Jordan May 07, 2008

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