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82 definitions by OD Smith

 
8.
Everything that is wrong with modern football - with their Johnny Come Lately fans (from Croydon and Essex, mostly), merchandising empire that makes them more money than on-pitch endeavours, and the greatest bunch of cynical cheating scum you could ever cast your eyes on. Also former home to David Beckham and Eric Cantona, if you needed an easy reason to hate them.

Yet they seem to have one major contradiction - they want to sign any player under the sun (not signing a player courtesy of The Sun, as they usually do), yet don't want Malcolm Glazier and his money that would help them do so.
Pedro Mendes from the halfway line.
Ruud van Nistelrooy winning (another) dubious penalty.
Roy Keane trying to end Alfie Haaland's career.
The players chasing the ref around the pitch when they don't like his decision.
Alex Ferguson pointing to his watch for (even) more stoppage time when they're losing.
Another player from a small club being "unsettled" by the sports pages in The Sun, bullying their club into selling him (ie, Dwight Yorke, Louis Saha)
by OD Smith February 18, 2005
765 638
 
9.
To take credit for something you had no part in, and basking in the fraudulant glory.
Dan Luger is just Tony Blairing about his role in the Rugby World Cup Final.
by OD Smith December 22, 2003
123 32
 
10.
An absolutly evil database programme, which serves no purpose other than driving you clinically insane at a remarkably quick pace.

Never used in the workplace, so it's ppointless to be taught how to use it in GCSE or A-Level IT.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!!! Why won't it recognise this goddamn formula like a normal person?!?"
by OD Smith March 29, 2005
86 16
 
11.
A horrific notion indeed. Between the horrors of 1960s concrete architecture that means that the skyline looks like nothing but fear and loathing reside the worst thing: the locals.

While not getting confused between their football allegiances (Man Utd, Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool, Real Madrid or Barcelona), they make sure that they always holler odd sounding noises akin to "Euuuurgh!!!" assuming that it's an insult - although always just out of earshot, and only when there's about twenty of them to your one. If, of course, they are not this intelligent, they will just take a swing at you - and for the same reason: individuality. Yes, like the Iron Age, thos ethat do not look like they are in for a bit of a kicking - although at least back then, fire was not such a complex connundrum (barring the Marlbro Light they stub out in your face, naturally).

Any new store that opens soon becomes Croydonised - a complete waste of time as the service is anything but a service, and you realise Central London is only 15 minutes by train. Unless, of course, you want to use the landmark of the area - the Ikea on Purley Way.

if there was a new Ring of Hell, it would be Croydon. And I'm not making this up - I live in the fucking place...
Print a copy of the review from craptowns.com, and tick the things off while walking down the High Street...
by OD Smith February 16, 2005
442 372
 
12.
For several years, the most famous Russian sportsperson for her exploits (or lack thereof) on the tennis courts. In fact, she earned far more money through advertising deals due to being extraordinarily sexy indeed and looking good advertising sports bras and having FHM shoots than anything she did on court. Mainly as she, famously, never won a single tournament but regularly packed the courts at Wimbledon when playing, before retiring at the age of 23.

The success of Maria Sharapova, fit and a good player with a Wimbledon victory aged 19 in 2004 ended comparisons very quickly indeed.
"Come on Anna!" - The average Wimbledon spectator, either showing his support of projecting his sexual fantasy. Probably both.
by OD Smith June 23, 2005
103 37
 
13.
The cut-price, bargain basement Jordan.
Since we can't afford to pay Jordan to wear very little in our magazine, we might as well phone Jodie Marsh.
by OD Smith March 10, 2005
65 22
 
14.
Former franchise holders of South Eastern railways who were hilariously inept...unless you happened to live in their catchment area and needed to catch a frigging train at some point.

Mercifully, they lost their license and trains started to run at (vaguely) the right time. However, they got the bus franchise in the same area, so sales of umbrellas went up 650% overnight.
1.) "Where's my fucking train? It should've been here twenty five minutes ago..."
2.) "Where's my fucking bus? It should've been here twenty five minutes ago..."
by OD Smith April 06, 2005
50 12