80 definitions by OD Smith

Everything that is wrong with modern football - with their Johnny Come Lately fans (from Croydon and Essex, mostly), merchandising empire that makes them more money than on-pitch endeavours, and the greatest bunch of cynical cheating scum you could ever cast your eyes on. Also former home to David Beckham and Eric Cantona, if you needed an easy reason to hate them.

Yet they seem to have one major contradiction - they want to sign any player under the sun (not signing a player courtesy of The Sun, as they usually do), yet don't want Malcolm Glazier and his money that would help them do so.
Pedro Mendes from the halfway line.
Ruud van Nistelrooy winning (another) dubious penalty.
Roy Keane trying to end Alfie Haaland's career.
The players chasing the ref around the pitch when they don't like his decision.
Alex Ferguson pointing to his watch for (even) more stoppage time when they're losing.
Another player from a small club being "unsettled" by the sports pages in The Sun, bullying their club into selling him (ie, Dwight Yorke, Louis Saha)
by OD Smith February 18, 2005
To take credit for something you had no part in, and basking in the fraudulant glory.
Dan Luger is just Tony Blairing about his role in the Rugby World Cup Final.
by OD Smith December 22, 2003
An absolutly evil database programme, which serves no purpose other than driving you clinically insane at a remarkably quick pace.

Never used in the workplace, so it's ppointless to be taught how to use it in GCSE or A-Level IT.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!!! Why won't it recognise this goddamn formula like a normal person?!?"
by OD Smith March 29, 2005
For several years, the most famous Russian sportsperson for her exploits (or lack thereof) on the tennis courts. In fact, she earned far more money through advertising deals due to being extraordinarily sexy indeed and looking good advertising sports bras and having FHM shoots than anything she did on court. Mainly as she, famously, never won a single tournament but regularly packed the courts at Wimbledon when playing, before retiring at the age of 23.

The success of Maria Sharapova, fit and a good player with a Wimbledon victory aged 19 in 2004 ended comparisons very quickly indeed.
"Come on Anna!" - The average Wimbledon spectator, either showing his support of projecting his sexual fantasy. Probably both.
by OD Smith June 23, 2005
The cut-price, bargain basement Jordan.
Since we can't afford to pay Jordan to wear very little in our magazine, we might as well phone Jodie Marsh.
by OD Smith March 10, 2005
When the French win in battle - which they have done, only Americans won't believe it because they're pissy and moronic, in equal measure.
A list of notable French military victories:
Battle of Allia (387 BC)
Battle of Gergovia (52 BC)
Battle of Soissons (486)
Battle of Tolbaic (496)
Battle of Vouille (507)
Battle of Tours (732)
Battle of Pavia (773)
Battle for Paris (885-6)
Battle of Val-es-Dunes (1047)
Battle of Hastings (1066)
Battle of Dorylaeum (1097)
Battle of Ascalon (1099)
Battle of Montgisard (1177)
Battle of Bouvines (1214)
Battle of Morlaix (1342)
Battle of Ardres (1351)
Battle of Cocherel (1364)
Battle of Montiel (1369)
Battle of La Rochelle (1372)
Battle of Chiset (1373)
Battle of Roosebeke (1382)
Battle of Bauge (1421)
Siege of Orleans (1428-9)
Battle of Jargeau (1429)
Battle of Beaugency (1429)
Battle of Patay (1429)
Siege of Compiegne (1429)
Battle of Gerbevoy (1435)
Battle of Formigny (1450)
Battle of Castillon (1453)
Battle of Agnadello (1509)
Battle of Marignano (1515)
Battle of Ceresole (1544)
Battle of Rocroi (1643)
Battle of Nordlingen (1645)
Battle of Lens (1648)
Battle of Dunes (1658)
Battle of Fleurus (1690)
Battle of Beachy Head (1690)
Battle of Landen (1693)
Battle of Denain (1712)
Battle of Fontenoy (1745)
Battle of Roucoux (1746)
Battle of Lauffeld (1747)
Battle of Hastenbeck (1757)
Battle of Carillon (1758)
Battle of Yorktown (1781)
Battle of the Chesapeake (1781)
Battle of Valmy (1792)
Battle of Fleurus (1794)
Battle of Lodi (1796)
Battle of Castiglione (1796)
Battle of the Bridge of Arcole (1796)
Battle of Diersheim (1797)
Battle of Rivoli (1797)
Battle of the Pyramids (1798)
Battle of Mount Tabor (1799)
Battle of Abukir (1799)
Second Battle of Zurich (1799)
Battle of Marengo (1800)
Battle of Hohenlinden (1800)
Battle of Austerlitz (1805)
Battle of Jena (1806)
Battle of Jena-Auerstedt (1806)
Battle of Friedland (1807)
Battle of Tudela (1808)
Battle of Ucles (1809)
Battle of Ciudad-Real (1809)
Battle of Eckmuhl (1809)
Battle of Wagram (1809)
Battle of Medellin (1809)
Battle of Ocana (1809)
Battle of Smolensk (1812)
Battle of Borodino (1812)
Battle of Dresden (1813)
Battle of Lutzen (1813)
Battle of Vauchamps (1814)
Battle of Ligny (1815)
Battle of Trocadero (1823)
Battle of Navarino (1827)
Invasion of Algeria (1830)
Battle of Balaclava (1854)
Battle of Malakoff (1855)
Battle of Solferino (1859)
Battle of Foochow (1884)
First Battle of the Marne (1914)
Togoland (1914)
Battle of Ypres (1914)
Battle of Verdun (1916)
Battle of Vimy Ridge (1917)
Second Battle of the Marne (1918)
Battle of Belleau Wood (1918)
Battle of Chateau-Thierry (1918)
Battle of Amiens (1918)
Battle of Maysalun (1922)
Battle of Koufra (1941)
Battle of Normandy (1944)
Operation Dragoon (1944)
Operation Desert Storm (1991)
Cote d'Ivoire (2003)
by OD Smith July 27, 2008
Former franchise holders of South Eastern railways who were hilariously inept...unless you happened to live in their catchment area and needed to catch a frigging train at some point.

Mercifully, they lost their license and trains started to run at (vaguely) the right time. However, they got the bus franchise in the same area, so sales of umbrellas went up 650% overnight.
1.) "Where's my fucking train? It should've been here twenty five minutes ago..."
2.) "Where's my fucking bus? It should've been here twenty five minutes ago..."
by OD Smith April 06, 2005

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