Everything that is wrong with modern football - with their Johnny Come Lately fans (from Croydon and Essex, mostly), merchandising empire that makes them more money than on-pitch endeavours, and the greatest bunch of cynical cheating scum you could ever cast your eyes on. Also former home to David Beckham and Eric Cantona, if you needed an easy reason to hate them.
Yet they seem to have one major contradiction - they want to sign any player under the sun (not signing a player courtesy of The Sun, as they usually do), yet don't want Malcolm Glazier and his money that would help them do so.
Pedro Mendes from the halfway line.
Ruud van Nistelrooy winning (another) dubious penalty.
Roy Keane trying to end Alfie Haaland's career.
The players chasing the ref around the pitch when they don't like his decision.
Alex Ferguson pointing to his watch for (even) more stoppage time when they're losing.
Another player from a small club being "unsettled" by the sports pages in The Sun, bullying their club into selling him (ie, Dwight Yorke, Louis Saha)
To take credit for something you had no part in, and basking in the fraudulant glory.
Dan Luger is just Tony Blairing about his role in the Rugby World Cup Final.
An absolutly evil database programme, which serves no purpose other than driving you clinically insane at a remarkably quick pace.
Never used in the workplace, so it's ppointless to be taught how to use it in GCSE or A-Level IT.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!!! Why won't it recognise this goddamn formula like a normal person?!?"
For several years, the most famous Russian sportsperson for her exploits (or lack thereof) on the tennis courts. In fact, she earned far more money through advertising deals due to being extraordinarily sexy indeed and looking good advertising sports bras and having FHM shoots than anything she did on court. Mainly as she, famously, never won a single tournament but regularly packed the courts at Wimbledon when playing, before retiring at the age of 23.
The success of Maria Sharapova
, fit and a good player with a Wimbledon victory aged 19 in 2004 ended comparisons very quickly indeed.
"Come on Anna!" - The average Wimbledon spectator, either showing his support of projecting his sexual fantasy. Probably both.
The cut-price, bargain basement Jordan.
Since we can't afford to pay Jordan to wear very little in our magazine, we might as well phone Jodie Marsh.
Somebody on a message board, mostly wrestling ones, showing their level of intellect by talking about two wrestlers having a "fued", rather than a feud
which they are actually having.
Normally I wouldn't mind, but it seems there are hundreds of people that can't spell the damn word right, so I'm doing them a favour.
"i hope we see and exciting fued between jbl and john cena." - Bad spelling, bad grammar, and a complete inability to spot a talented wrestler in favour for a couple of really bad ones.
Former franchise holders of South Eastern railways who were hilariously inept...unless you happened to live in their catchment area and needed to catch a frigging train at some point.
Mercifully, they lost their license and trains started to run at (vaguely) the right time. However, they got the bus franchise in the same area, so sales of umbrellas went up 650% overnight.
1.) "Where's my fucking train? It should've been here twenty five minutes ago..."
2.) "Where's my fucking bus? It should've been here twenty five minutes ago..."