4 definitions by Ninja13

Top Definition
God's real name, or more accurately, the name of the real God. Mateus accidently created the Universe and humanity during his campaign against The Zombies. This is regarded by many as his greatest mistake. Currently resembles a cynical, annoying 16 year old in the U.S.
Mateus: "I'm sick of everyone worshiping that Jesus guy - my name's Mateus damn it. I'm bored - anyone know where I could find a good hooker?"
by Ninja13 February 22, 2008
Once upon an eternity ago, Mateus, who is a ninja, was at war with The Zombies. (They were much like the ones we know today, expect way deadlier.) Anyway, while engaged in combat, Mateus fell into an endless abyss that he designed for disposal of The Zombies. That abyss, which is impossible to escape, is now called the universe. From there he went on to create Earth, humanity, and everything else for unknown reasons. That is how he became God.
Mateus: "Ouch! Fuck, it's dark. Where am I? Oh shit, is this...? Damn it. Dang this is big - I wonder if there are still Zombies down here...this is gonna look bad on my autobiography 'The Story of Mateus'. (3 minutes later) I could really go for some sex right about now. I got it! Planet + animals + water = people! People = hookers! Hookers = sex! Oh, this is gonna be fun..."
by Ninja13 February 22, 2008
The arch-enemies of Mateus, God of the Universe. Super-strong, super-deadly, and super-terrifying. Origin unknown. Although neither dead nor alive, they are capable of reproduction. They are attracted to love, happiness, and everything good, which is why Mateus made Earth a very unhappy place. Earth "zombies" are descended from them but much less powerful.
Mateus: "WTF!?!? What is with people falling in love just to have sex? Did they miss the point of hookers? They're gonna attract The Zombies and I'm gonna have to fight them then I'm gonna get all pissy and send a meteor planetside. Dang, all this talk of killing has got me horny. Let's go find a hooker and have a threesome, eh?"
by Ninja13 February 22, 2008
The End of the World is the time at which The Zombies overrun Earth, or Mateus decides he doesn't need it. Either way, Mateus has been quoted on saying: "There is no heaven - get over it. The only ones who are getting immortality are the hookers. The rest of you cock-monkeys are gonna rot in the dirt. Hehe."
Mateus: "The End of the World? - When all the hookers are gone. Nah, just kidding. The Earth will be here for ages, though all you little bastards will end up killing yourselves if that Hillary Clinton bitch becomes President. Hehe. Boo feminism! Hooray Canada and threesomes! Anyone got some speed?"
by Ninja13 February 22, 2008

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