5 definitions by Neville Smythe-Boyd Anderson Chapworth

Top Definition
When a male moves rapidly i.e. jogs, runs, or gallops at a fast rate and their testicles and/or penis hits their inner thigh area (unilaterally or bilaterally, depending on which way you lean and how fast you're moving) creating a 'SLAP' noise that can be heard by others.

Cause:
Commonly by not wearing any supporting undergarments (i.e. underpants) which allows the gonads to move free-flowingly.

Action:
Wear underpants or some other type of supporting undergarment (stupid)

WARNING!! Can be painful!

N.B. Through recent study it has been noted that women can also suffer from a female equivalent of 'chap slap'.
However, more studies have to be conducted in order to confirm the origins of the 'SLAP' noise.
Scientists are unsure whether it originates from the genitals, buttocks thighs or overtly large and gravitationally affected mammary tissue(s).

Biologically female candidates will be required for a forthcoming study - Sadly, due to poor sponsorship, candidates will not be rewarded for their efforts.
Yeah Nan. I know. I ran up the stairs the other day to go get my wanky blanky and i got chap slap. It was well loud!! Bloody hurt as well!!

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That fit fit fit girl (who no one knows the real name of) who was in the TV comedy 'Boy Meets World' years ago.

Possibly the only reason why many members of the male population watched this TV programme

(Don't remember? Cory? Mr Feeney? Ring any bells?)
Tony: Did you ever use to watch Boys Meets World?

George: Oh god yeah! That girl Tapenga was damn fine!!

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When ones nad(s) become a bit red (usually through excessive itching/scratching) and commonly causes the sufferer to have to give them a good scratch with the intention of relieving the irritability.

However, this can have a snowball effect as scratching causes more redness, causing more irritability, causing more scratching.

Excessive scratching/attempts to relieve the annoyance (and ocassional pain) can cause the sensitive skin around the area to crack.

Causes:
Many - STI, regrowing pubic hair, ants in yer pants, coarse pubic hair, uncomfortable underwear, woolly underwear, another person playing with your genitals (hopefully a girl).

Course of action:
Brief, gentle scratching of the area can relieve symptoms.
However persistent nad rash may need one to seek medical advice.

N.B. there is a female equivalent but most females are either too polite and "lady-like" to let everyone know about it, or relieve themselves with a good scratch. Females will generally wait until they are alone, in the company of those who they are comfortable with, grin and bare the irritability until such a point when eveyone has left, or make an excuse and proceed rapidly and uncomfortably to the nearest restroom

(a common female nad rash gait has been noticed by scientists and can be subtly picked up by those with a sensitive eye)
Male:
Sorry my hands are so warm Mr President. I've had nad rash for days now and i just had to releive the pain.

#1:
Will you please excuse me for one moment. I'm just going to freshen up in the ladies room

#2: Bet she's got nad rash

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When the surrounding environment becomes so cold that one's penis shrinks to an extraordinarily small size (or possible inversion in severe cases!)

Commonly caused by cold weather temperatures.

May also be caused by exiting the shower into a cold draught - referred to as 'RAPID chilly chap stick'

May be relieved using many methods:
moving to a warmer environment is most common. However, if one is unable to do this then the individual may have to seek other methods of resolution e.g. watching pornography, masturbation, reading erotica, putting on many layers of underpants (thick woolly undergarments are best insulators), introduing a warm (not hot as it can cause extensive damage, and we wouldn't want that!) application to the inguinal/genital area e.g. hot (remember, never actually 'hot') water bottle.

One may experience acute chilly chap stick in which case the penis returns to a 'normal' (very subjective) size after a few mintues.

Chronic chilly chap stick can be worrying and embarassing for the individual and should be handled with sensitivity. Medical advice may be required if attempts to resolve chronic CCS does not produce results.

a.k.a. artic pecker
Mum! Mum! I've got chilly chap stick and my new girlfriend's coming round in 5 minutes!! Quick, what do i do?!!

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Mullet: northern/working class pronounciation for late 80's/early 90's crap hair style

Moulet: European/middle class pronounciation for "mullet".

Both pronounciations mean the same thing i.e. a bloody stupid haircut - commonly thought of as short round the sides, long-ish on top and long at the back (like Chris Waddle - World Cup Italia '90), sometimes with extra long strands at the bottom of the hair line, so that the twat who decided to have their hair cut in that way can play and twist them.

This particular hair style normally encourages the chant:

Moulet, moulet!! Moulet, moulet!!
Get it cut, cut, cut!!

The mullet/moulet is currently attempting a comback at present. All those who read this should take note and realise that you open yourself to public shaming and possible violence (depending on which part of the country you are in) if seen sporting such a hair style - you have been warned.
Northern folk:
Focking 'ell Denzel. Did ya see that mullet!! Looked like it'd been cut by t'lawnmower.

Middle class:
Helga:
My word Jospeh! Did you see that Moulet?

Joseph:
Why yes Helga, i did. Get the shotgun!!

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