”The moon is bright tonight”, said the wise mushroom to the unperturbed cripple, “I have been away from my family for too long now and I must return and seek my vengeance, be it with a mallet, or twenty-three Ikea catalogues.”
This legendary tale started in the year of 1720b.c and Mustafa the mushroom (agricultures self named ‘ard man) and Cuthbert the cripple (disabled peoples self named ‘tuna sandwich) had a plan. They would rob Audley Harrison, the local greengrocer and give the peach coloured doubloons to the “help the aged mushroom charity”. This would help fund day trips for the elderly fungi and encourage them to participate more in events in the local community.
Cuthbert and Mustafa were dressed in black (the favourite colour of thieves’, vagabonds and of course the odd ninja) unfortunately for them it was during the day therefore they’re clothing colour didn’t really matter.
Mustafa tried the cat flap, it was open ‘suspicious’ he thought, ‘the greengrocer doesn’t own a cat.’. The two amigos crept inside, making as little noise as possible and sticking to the shadows. Eventually they reached the forbidden fruit (the till) only to be greeted by…
”No money”, screamed Cuthbert, “what a waste of time/effort that was, I’ve just missed the bingo”
They snuck outside into the dimly lit street. All of a sudden four armoured tricycles pulled up by the kerb and surrounded the two mushrooms, they were trapped like a farmer in...