when asked to do something unpleasant or tedious, this response sums up how horrid you think that task is- and you are not going to do it .
Teacher: Smith, can you help me to hand out these excercise books to the rest of the class?
Smith: no chance...I'd rather shit in my hands and clap. Sir.
a huge turd, so long it touches the toilet bowl before being 'crimped off' by the ass muscles- also known as a 'crowd pleaser' , a yam, U571 or a Trent Otter
I did a massive shit last night, a real Enamel Banger
This describes a substance that is particularly strong tasting or bitter (like lemons or popping candy). the phrase comes from the face pulled when tasting such substance, tabs in this case being a slang word for 'ears'. (also, in Derbyshire this phrase would be pronounced 'meck yer tabs laugh')
Man 1'Whats that you eating?'
Man 2' Raw Lemon'
Man 1' blimey mate if you suck on that much longer, that'll make your tabs laugh'.
shoplifting, named after a small town in Derbyshire England famed for its population of thieves, tramps, drug addicts and 'chavs'
man 1 'where did you get the cash to buy all those cans of lager?'
man 2 'no body was watching so I used Cotmanhay Money in the beer-off '
Derbyshire slang term for when you have not had sex for a while and are getting desperate. Term can be used equally for men and women.
a build up of 'sperm pressure' in men can be caused by being Hogged Up
I'm so Hogged Up I'd fuck a horse...with John Wayne on it...again. sex
Toilettiquette...When visiting the restroom out on a date, or at a dinner party, you take a lightning fast crap to fool your date or fellow diners into thinking you only needed a piss by being in the can for such a short time.
a very hurried poop taken so as not to keep guests waiting
I really needed to take a shit but my date had arrived, so I told her I was just 'nipping to the bathroom to freshen up' and took a quick 'shit in a piss time', so as not to keep her waiting
the Money shot at the end of a Porn sequence where 3 guys 'arrive' at the same time all over one (or more) chicks (or guy) by emptying their cocks- in a similar way to the Podium finish of a Grand Prix race
".... and so at the end of the '75 Swedish Grand Prix all that remains is for Emerson, Mario and James to get hold of the Jereboams and drench the adoring fans and each other with champagne for a proper F1 Finish"