2 definitions by Meat Meaters

Top Definition
The muff monkey is a miniscule ape who resides around the vagina of a woman and finds extreme pleasure in paying homage to the labia. If substantial pubic hair coverage is available, the muff monkey can be found lurking amongst the pube jungle waiting for his next interaction with the muff or planning his next maniacal counterattack against those trying to approach the crotch. Possessing both unique joint structure and an extremely strong grip, the muff monkey can move disturbingly fast in its natural genital habitat by swinging on pubes and parts of the vagina. The muff monkey uses its speedy transportation capabilities and cacophonous whooping howl to both impress the labia and scare away intruders. Due to the muff's obvious lack of perception or judgement, the muff monkey lives a mostly unfulfilled and confused life as its constant wooing consistently goes without reciprocation. Most cunt badgers are acutely aware of the dangers that can arise when approaching a muff surrounded by dense pubic coverage, due to the muff monkey's certain presence.
I went down on Amanda last night, but there was a fucking muff monkey waiting for me. It swooped in out of no where and pierced my cornea. I knew she should have trimmed her pubes.
by Meat Meaters October 12, 2009
A moderately large hoofed mammal found in parts of North America and Western Europe. The muff mule utilizes its mountain goat like beard and pronounced lips to pleasure the muff of any woman who dares to interact with it. The muff mule will feast on a muff for over 5 hours consecutively once he has seduced his prey. It is due to extremely developed jaw muscles that the muff mule is capable of such long lasting muff feasting sessions. The muff mule's temperament, while normally subdued and peaceful, has been known to become aggressive and violent toward those who interfere with it after it has begun its ritual of muff seduction or muff feasting.
My girlfriend and I went hiking, but we ran into a fucking muff mule. Once she saw its beard it was all over, it feasted on her muff for hours while I had to just watch lest I be brutally kicked by the defensive muff mule.
by Meat Meaters October 12, 2009

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