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1 definition by Matt the man

 
1.
The Pikey: NOT A CHAV/TOWNIE - A totally different type of cretin.

A pikey is someone of dubious origin who would like to be known as a traditional happy-go-lucky romany type, but in reality is an illiterate thieving bastard who would stoop to previously unheard of depths in an attempt to 'earn' money. I use the term 'earn' loosely, as nearly all pikey commerce activities involve a modicum of illegal activity somewhere along the line.

Winter sees your typical pikey become an expert in UPVC fitting, summer they revert to the more traditional 'garden maintenance'

They are easily differentiated from your honest tradesman by the untaxed stolen (& nearly brand new) transit, emblazened with the words 'ask driver for details'.

Pikey youths normally hang out at the nearest Lidl during the day, & the pub unfortunate enough to be near their illegal campsite at night.

Arguments with these 'people' are futile, as they neither understand english or would care if they could. If you are lucky enough to put one of these creatures down be warned - their immediate family (normally numbering 100 plus) will hound you down.

Its best to avoid them like the plague, or do a Tony Martin & shotgun the buggers.
'What are you doing in my kitchen you pikey bastard?'

'Having it away with your goodies'

'Ah I see' KABOOM!!!!

Copyright Tony Martin 2003
by Matt the man September 20, 2005