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24 definitions by Madmann

 
8.
1. A popular comedian among NASCAR fans, mulletheads, Pabst Blue Ribbon drinkers and rednecks (like those are different categories). Creator of the "You Might Be A Redneck" series of jokes. I say "jokes" loosely, as they're all slight derivations of the exact same joke, which isn't really a joke to begin with, just observation: rednecks lack class & intelligence. The only humor is that the rednecks themselves love this joke more than anyone. "We're backwards losers, that is SOOOO funny!"

2. Any one-trick pony such as definition 1.

1. "Jeff Foxworthy's on TV! Wanna watch?"
"No, I gotta clip my toenails or something..."

2. "Dat Phan won Last Comic Standing and EVERY joke was about being Korean... what a Foxworthy..."
by Madmann October 11, 2005
 
9.
Some people mistakenly believe this is a term for those over 18. Fraid not. Some people are born grown-ups, and some die at 100 never having acheived this status. If you are one, congratulations on not dying thus far; if not, here's some things you have to look forward to!

• You will cease to be impressed with your 1337speak, pwning people, your h4x0r rep and otherwise talking "liek u r" an illiterate moron. Intelligence, it's not just for breakfast anymore.

• For you emo kids, the world will get brighter for you when you stop crying and get another piece of ass. Life's cyclical in nature, roll with it.

• You will finally understand why your dad always screams when you begin to pay all your own bills. TIP: Pay electricity bill before buying the new GTA.

• Realizing that just because you CAN drink doesn't necessarily make it a good idea. Go out Wednesday, your place of employment might look like the jaws of Hell Thursday morning at 7:00 AM.

• Realizing that your place of employment ALWAYS looks like the jaws of Hell, shrugging and doing what you damn well feel like anyway.

and finally,

• The moment when you are truly no longer a kid, because you can't be. Because you have decided that all kids, without exception, SUCK. Because now YOU have a kid, crying, yelling, wetting the bed, wanting money. Karma's a cruel bitch.

Other than that, it's the only way to be... what else ya gonna do, be a 40 year old skateboarder?

I'm glad I'm a grown-up

or

(Closed captioning for the 1337 impaired)
i r liek ben a grown-up. it's teh w00t.
by Madmann October 07, 2005
 
10.
1. The lead nurse working on a shift.

2. The nurse with the dirtiest knees. Much more valuable and rare than definition 1.
1. The head nurse is coming to remove your catheter.

2. The head nurse relieved me of some pressure in my groin.
by Madmann October 05, 2005
 
11.
A sudden shift in belief systems (usually finding Jesus, but also Allah and probably every other Deity) after a period of incarceration. Usually a ploy for leniency with the legal system. Oddly, given the separation of church and state that we're supposed to have in this country, it does sometimes seem to have a positive effect when going to talk to the judge/parole board. Everyone from your local meth dealer to Manuel Noriega, Dictator of Panama have tried this one, making it one of the truly "oldest ones in the book".
typical jailhouse conversion:

Crack Dealer: Your Honor, I found Jesus in the Dade County Jail.

Judge: Big deal, this is Florida, every third guy in there is named Jesus....
by Madmann October 10, 2005
 
12.
A girl who'd rather do what you want than what her parents taught her.

syn. bad girl
Good girls are best when they're bad girls.
by Madmann October 07, 2005
 
13.
1. The area outside our planetary environment. We are largely ignorant about most of it. We're so ignorant we have no idea exactly how much of it there is to be ignorant about. This explains why they call it space: There's a buttload of it.

2. This character right here ----> <------

3. To forget what you needed to do for no apparent reason.

4. Touchy-feely term for emotional distance.
1. In space, no one can hear you whimper like a little girl.

2. " " There, there's a free one for ya.

3. Dude, I totally spaced Grandma's funeral!

4. "Bob, I just feel like I need some space..."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"Let me finish... I need some space... without you in it..."
by Madmann October 05, 2005
 
14.
A word we use all the time where I work. It's when a software company releases an update to the program that introduces more bugs than it fixed. It is, of course, a contraction of "fucked up" and "update".
Chris: You get that buggy software doing what you want yet?

Madmann: No, they sent me a fupdate. I'm about a week behind where I was yesterday....
by Madmann October 14, 2005