The most despicable species of woman known to humankind.
is aged 30 to 50 years and can always be found in Havertown, PA
. She lives in an overrated neighborhood which in all honesty looks like lower-middle-class suburban Philadelphia
on a good day.
She drives either a minivan
or an SUV
, which she needs to cart around her 2.3 kids
, who are as obnoxious as all get out. In addition to soccer
, the little darlings also particiate in karate
, etc. They are never disciplined because soccer mom fervently believes they are perfect in all ways.
She's married to Mr. Corporate America
. He's usually burnt out because he's forced to work 60+ hours every week in order to pay the sky-high mortgage
, two car payments
, private school
tuitions, fees for the kids' activities, and the bills for Soccer Mom's profligate spending. He therefore needs to blow off steam by either screwing random secretary sluts
or by spending his lunch hours at the local titty bar
. Soccer mom either doesn't know this or doesn't want to.
Soccer Mom has no life outside her children and their activities. During the day when the kids are in school, she can be found trolling the local shopping mall
and maxing out hubby's credit card
buying stuff she doesn't need at the Bombay Company
. She also is forced into the mall during the day as a way of killing time until the Merry Maids
are finished cleaning the house.
Soccer Mom's musical preferences are Celine Dion
and Faith Hill
. She can't blast a Celine Dion CD in someone's presence without launching into her nauseating story of how she and hubby danced their wedding
dance to "My Heart Will Go On," and how perfectly the song epitomizes her feelings for him. Sigh.
Soccer Mom sees any woman who's reasonably attractive and within 10 lbs. of her ideal body weight as a threat and a slut
with the potential to seduce hubby. As if any woman would want his flabby ass
Soccer Mom also has a rabid tendency to keep up with the Joneses
All things considered, someone to avoid.