5 definitions by MValentine

Top Definition
When villagers in the Tibetan mountains found the dismembered limbs of their children littering the pathway to the summit, they knew only one animal could have been responsible.

Stuarts, a solitary, reclusive animal, are notoriously volatile, and should never be approached.

When not ripping children apart, they can be observed foraging in the shrubbery for their ancestory.

In order to prevent further attacks from Stuarts, the UN forces frequently drop air aid boxes of Pukka Pies and Bacardi rum near to their caves. The excessively hairy Stuarts are often spotted by mountaineering groups, eating voraciously.
"Why don't you learn some table manners? You're behaving like a Stuart".
by MValentine August 28, 2008
A Bekka will not let you sleep in it's bed.

If you try to, a Bekka will oust you by playing Shania Twain very loudly.

In their natural habitats, Bekkas spend most of their time foraging for cans of tuna fish and bottles of orange fanta.

They have wild hair, and are sometimes spotted at the watering hole wearing nothing but a tiny, pink dressing gown, before they go scavaging for bus fare.

The best way to catch a Bekka, should you wish to keep one as a pet/experiment etc, is to lure into your garden using bottles of cheap white cider, and the promise of a few joints... And maybe some Crunchy Nut Cluster a little later on.
"We went on safari earlier today, and spotted an elusive Bekka. It was scraping around in the mud, looking for spare change".
by MValentine August 28, 2008
Boggle Shots are a practice which originate from Boston, Lincolnshire. The first recorded Boggle Shots occured centuries ago, when locals realised their Winter supplies of Malibu had all been imbibed during many furious sessions of Cluedo.

In an attempt to intoxicate themselves, locals would shake a box full of lettered cubes around, then allow themselves three minutes to write down as many words using adjoining letters as possible.

At the end of the allotted time, contestants tallied their scores. The contestant with the lowest score was ordered to take a Boggle Shot - namely a good measure of a cheap Archers Schnapps substitute. The winning contestant could nominate any other member to take another.

In some cases, contestants were unaware of the Malibu drought, and upon knocking back the substitute schnapps suspected foul play.

Side effects can include; temporary addictions to Marmite on toast, the urge to dance to Smash Hits radio, rolling over in your sleep and lying on other contestants, and being so "parched" that downing a pint of water and lime cordial seems positively divine.
"Dale just sent me back the message I sent to him last night. I told him I have AIDS, and nothing else was spelt properly. It didn't even make any sense!

I must have been sucking at Boggle Shots last night."
by MValentine September 25, 2008
Cock Shots were first born in Kirton, Lincolnshire.

It involves an Eastern European schnapps or spirit being drunk from a shot glass bearing a penis, and two testicles.

Traditionally, the shot is taken holding the penis rather like a handle on a teacup.
"That cock shot nearly made me chunder all over this beautiful glass table. Let's get back to Rock Band, before I'm too hammered to play anymore".
by MValentine August 28, 2008
A Jonny hides in the wild by covering itself in a thick layer of vehicle grease/oil, and disguising it's natural smell with that of tyres.

When domesticated, a Jonny can be put to good use in the kitchen, making tea and baked potatoes.

However, they demand excessive payment in the way of dominating your World of Warcraft gaming time, and bottles of sherry. (They also like to take your last Marlboro when you're not looking, and if not hidden, will also 'look after' your green for you until they think you should smoke it with them.)
"I was walking through the park the other day, when a herd of Jonny's came flying past. One of them stole the fag right out of my mouth, and before I could say anything, they had disappeared in a cloud of dust."
by MValentine August 28, 2008
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