A mystical creature known to reside primarily in the mountainous region surrounding Telluride, Colorado. While there have been no confirmed sightings, witnesses have testified to encountering the Snow Cheetah's trademark massive pawprints, which have been known to be as wide as your neighborhood punchbuggy. These massive paws are the rumored source of the Snow Cheetah's speed on snow. Studies indicate that, like those furry fucking rabbits, these paws have evolved and increased their furriness to complement is massively furry physique, allowing it to bound effortlessly through fresh powder. It is believed to be the most powerful creature on the planet; nothing has ever survived an encounter with a snow cheetah. The combination of its amazing strength and speed has given the Snow Cheetah a reputation for wiping out small villages and decimating civilian populations. Research indicates there may be a connection between the Snow Cheetah and such events as the extinction of the dinosaurs, Krakatoa, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Hurricane Katrina, Chernobyl, 9/11, and AIDS. While their numbers are uncertain, it is believed that fewer than five may exist. Speculations persist that only one Snow Cheetah may be born per century due to the immense food intake required to fuel its voracious appetite. They produce asexually because their genes are perfect and no further evolution is needed.
-Yo bra, I'm gonna head up to Telluride to shred some sweet powder.