Somebody who collects weapons, usually knives, guns, and swords, and talks a lot about warfare, violence and the the like. Has never actually fought in a war, or been in the military, but loves the two subjects. Fantasizes about being a navy SEAL or a federal agent. Usually a giant pussy when the shit actually hits the fan.
Greg: "Aw man, I wanna be a Navy SEAL soooo bad. Because they have the biggest variety of weapons to choose from. I just bought a shotgun with a pistol grip, so I'm already in training."
Kyle: "I'm gonna punch you in the face you armchair commando."
Greg: "Please don't! What did I do! No, stop! I'm sorry!"
Used by probationers who aren't allowed to drink alcohol to explain why they fail breathalyzers. Similar to the toothpaste defense, the cough syrup defense, and the hand-sanitizer defense, the latter of which only applies to ETG tests (Urine alcohol tests).
Probation officer: You failed your breathalyzer.
Probationer: I didn't drink alcohol, I just used mouthwash before I came here.
Probation Officer: That's the mouthwash defense. It's bullshit and you know it. You're going to jail.
Dorky kid who does karate. Is also applied sometimes to anyone who does karate since the martial art became uncool in the 1990s, and the status it once held in the 1970s and 1980s has been taken by jiu-jitsu and muai-thai. This is why doing karate is something you don't brag about unless you are a dork or old.
Lenny: I take karate courses. I'm a red belt.
Alexa: Karate dork, karate dork, karate dork! You're a karate dork!
An excuse people on probation use when they report to probation and have to do a breathalyzer and they fail. They say they just brushed their teeth, which leaves small reading of alcohol in their mouth.
Probation officer: You failed your breathalyzer, you are going to jail.
Probationer: No I didn't drink, I just brushed my teeth before I came here.
Probation officer: don't try the toothpaste defense on me! You're going to jail!
A person, usually high school to college aged young white or Asian male, who purchases weapons, such as samurai swords, maces, spears, scimitars, fancy looking knives, daggers, and nun-chucks at a shopping mall, usually from stores like Merlot's Cutlery, China Capital Arts, or various privately owned Oriental gift shops. Will talk trash to each other about the quality of their swords, which they will never use for anything in real life. Some of these people will pay high prices to purchase "better" swords on the internet, in the range of $300 to several thousand dollars, to out-do their friends or enemies who bought their blades at the local shopping mall. These people are often goths, thugs, or kids who are at the bottom of the social totem poll.
Dude, Mike owns like 10 samurai swords, 4 pairs of nunchucks, a bowstaff, and throwing stars. He got them all at China Capital Arts. He is such a mall ninja.