When a waitress receives a greater tip because her thong is showing out the top of her pants.
In related circumstances, it can actually work in reverse and punish those who shouldn't be in a thong.
Al: “I just gave the waitress a $7 tip off a $10 bill, even though it took forever.”
Al: “Because I could see she was wearing a pink G-string and I saw it heading down the crack of her tight ass when she bent over…had to give her the thong bonus.”
A parable passed down for generations describing the futility of the unintelligent to perform simple tasks.
Since ancient times, when an imbecile, ill-advised coworker or friend has attempted an assignment beyond their capabilities, they are often compared to a monkey endlessly trying to fix an engine that won't start by beating on it with a hammer, because monkeys do not possess the skills of a mechanic.
After being shown how twice, Dan never did learn how to open the fence, so it rained on him a few hours later. He was just like a Monkey Beating An Engine With A Hammer that day.
When performing the tea bag
, moving farther up the victim's face and dropping your testicles on the bridge of the nose and even across the eyes, thus rubbing your ripe asshole on the mouth on the victim. Typically an exclamation point to a well-executived tea bag
when performed in front of an audience.
Get your camera, I'm about to give him the reverse bag with fig. There needs to be some documentation he had my fig on his lips.
A loud, powerful fart that rushes around the feces as it departs the asshole, so it creates an air pocket and the crap rattles around a little before exiting.
Billy: “I was trying not to get noticed while taking a dump at the party and had a shattler, it felt kind of good, does that make me gay?”
Dave: “No, I love when I get a shattler, too bad they are so rare. If loving shattlers are wrong, I don't want to be right.”
When a woman is so condescending, believes she is so much better than everyone else, she has graduated into being a complete cunt.
Jill: “I like your new shoes.”
Jane: “Rhonda said she gave her shoes like this to Goodwill.”
Jill: “What a cuntdescending thing to say.”
Jane: “Yeah, maybe she’ll fall into a cave and not get discovered for a few days and have to drink her own piss and eat her fingernails just to stay alive…”
Jill: “Woah, calm down.”
Jane: “Yeah, my bad, I got a little carried away…but she is cuntdescending on a daily basis.”
When something goes horribly wrong for an individual amongst his family or group of friends – typically following an act of betrayal or unforgiveable poor judgment – and that person becomes an outcast. Although unloved and unwanted, the person is still allowed to hang around because of his previous relationship to those wronged. Adapted from the Fredo character in the Godfather movies.
Unfortunately, history has proven there is no way to tactfully make the outcast depart. Fredo Corleone was shot in the back while fishing in The Godfather Part II, a particularly cruel yet fair conclusion to any Fredo Scenario.
Will: “I just heard that Sam told our wives we went to the strip club, even though he decided to wait in the car. It’s not going to be fun tonight when we get home.”
Jack: “That bastard…I’m finished with Sam. He has become a living example of The Fredo Scenario.”
Will: "I wish we had a fishing boat."
A rare condition when a person suddenly gains brilliance or previously unknown areas of expertise with the introduction of massive amounts of alcohol to their bodies.
Billy: "Man, those guys were going to steal your car outside the bar, but you kicked all three of their asses! Do you know karate?"
John: "I don't know anything, but when I'm drinking I'm a black belt. I'm like an alcoholic savant with bourbon in me."