1. Magazine found in the check out line at Wal-Mart for people who have absolutely nothing better to do with their lives but talk about how "celebrities" are stupid and ugly and point out the inadequacies of people in the photos while grunting as they bend over their huge rolls of fat pulling their food stamps out of the purse in the basket of the electronic cart-rascal.
2. Useless pieces of paper stapled together containing text and photos completely irrelevant to my life.
Tabloid Reader: Did you hear about Lindsay Lohan's latest DWI?
Me: Thank you! I'm such a better person for knowing this!
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