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38 definitions by Krakky McKraken

 
8.
Worse than a sick twisted fuck. Worse than a sick twisted disturbed fuck. A sick twisted disturbed *psychotic* fuck is so vile, so putrid, so *unbearable* that no punishment in hell is sufficient to destroy him. Cheap. Crazy. Chases everybody around with inscrutable, mind-numbing questions. Mumbles when he talks and has so little love for his own family he'll ruin everyone else's lives in retaliation. The kind of deranged freak you want to crucify in an empty swimming pool and set on fire. You want to sit his kids on his chest, then pull his scrotum up over his head, forcing his kids to gnaw their way free.
STDPF: Hi, I was in on Sunday & I found these boxes of old envelopes. I know they have our old, old address on them but I figure you can just scratch that out with a pencil and use them, what does it matter, who opens them anyway, just a fucking secretary? If you could do that to every envelope, I think there's 1500 of them, get that done by lunchtime, that'll be great.

(slurps coffee)

STDPF: Now, I found these three boxes of pencils, so if you want to sharpen them all, I know they're kinda old and don't have erasers but I think people might want to use them, they write really well and maybe you can even use them to scratch out our old addresses! Now here...here are 8 boxes of letterhead with my name on each sheet, if you could just cross my name off of them we can use them for official correspondence and that way we can save a few bucks and maybe get you some part-time help a few months from now maybe a high school kid in the afternoon after school but you're doing a great job as it is-----

Clyde: Would you shut *up*, you sick twisted disturbed psychotic FUCK?
by Krakky McKraken July 10, 2008
 
9.
A cheap, anal retentive moron who runs a mid-sized company. Insinuates himself into every little thing. Refuses to spend money to improve the firm but complains that things don't get done. Masturbates to the junk mail he gets. Also sick twisted disturbed fuck.
Daisy Mae: Do we have any diskettes?

Zeke: We used to. I was told by management we weren't using what we had so I couldn't get my order for more approved.

Daisy Mae: What a sick twisted fuck.
by Krakky McKraken November 05, 2006
 
10.
Sub-species of wigger, a white kid from a middle-class suburban family who acts like he hails from the Hood. A Funky Phantom is usually too busy recovering from rollin' with his homies (hence the "funky") to bother coming into work, thus causing problems even though he's usually invisible (hence the "phantom"). Is out of work two days a week and takes half-days the other three. Is all "Yo, keepin' it real" and thinks he's the ultimate babe magnet; whenever he talks to a woman his voice drops to a deep whisper and he practically climbs on them in his efforts to seduce them. Claims he likes people who are brutally honest but basically lives one gigantic lie, fo' shizzle.
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A FUNKY PHANTOM

Funky: Yo, Allison, how's 'bout you and I go 'cross the street to the store and you can shizzle my dizzle bizzle?

Allison: Um, sure, sounds like fun, whatever it means!

Funky: Ya ya, I'm gonna be "keepin' it real" with my ho here for a while, G. You holds down the fort while I do my thang.

Me: Cut the crap, "homey." You ain't a playa, and the only crime you ever committed was stealing an extra Oreo outta the cookie jar when you were ten. AND you've already taken ten "breaks" today.

Funky: Yo, G! Why you gotta be hatin', Dawg? {dropping the act} Uh, my stomach hurts...I gotta go home...see ya tomorrow...
by Krakky McKraken August 03, 2007
 
11.
Facially porcine middle manager with greasy skin and absolutely no tact or common sense. Nasty, ill-tempered, whiny, hypocritical, and nonsensical. Lies constantly. Expects employees to violate the laws of physics, time & space, in order to get things done. Basically one of Tolkien's Orcs come to life.
Clyde: This is ridiculous. Joan wants me to move every box on the fifth floor and she want it done in the next twenty minutes! There's over 300 boxes! Why does she do this?

Zeke: Because she's a Pork Orc. Pork Orc! Pork Orc!
by Krakky McKraken November 05, 2006
 
12.
The hump on the back of a buffalo.
The buffalump on the back of a full-grown male bison can be as much as 1/5 its height.
by Krakky McKraken October 09, 2005
 
13.
The most feared of all office animals. Usually dresses in purple and has purple hair and purple hide. Its official name is Purplepotamus Dottiensis. Its roar can be heard for miles. It is notorious for being lazy. It has a terrible temper and it is dangerous to approach it. Also known as FAPLAW, or "Fat-Ass-Psychotic-Lazy-Ass-Windbag." Looks like a cross between Mimi from The Drew Carey Show and a rhinoceros.
The Purplepotamus spends most of its free time whining and shopping online.
by Krakky McKraken July 21, 2006
 
14.
A brief rhyming poem that deals with poop, usually four or five lines long.
This is called "Hai-poo #5."

I have to poop
It shall come out like soup
It did once when I had the croup
Then again, it was more like goop
Boop-boop-be-doop.
by Krakky McKraken October 02, 2005