To wank profusely in a corner, not even wanting to, whilst visualising all your dead relatives looking down on you saying "is this what we lived our lives for ? A grown man wanking like a monkey in a room ? You cry whilst doing this because of the guilty pleasure. A bottle of Gin and tears are the secret ingredient.
I really didn't want to but when i went home after visiting my elderly neighbour, i had a misery wank......i didn't want to though, i promise !!