Sexual act/position from behind. Slip your manhood full tilt into your lady's cooze, then just before you jam your thumb into her pulsing bung-hole while grabbing a fistful of her butt-cheek, you raise your free arm like the champeen bull rider you are - then say, ..." you fuck just like your little sister!" If you ride that bitch for 8 seconds, you are world class in anybody's book!
After more than a few Tequilas, I went home, listened to the wife run her mouth about where I've been, sweet-talked her into the sack, got into "the position", then gave her a Junior Bonner she'll never forget!
Painfully massive build-up of gas and diarrhea, suddenly with malice aforethought, let loose in a long, sputtering geyser of liquid poo fully emptying your bowels as loudly as the sound of a run-away chainsaw. This will coat anything/anybody in a 3 foot radius with hot, nasty, viscous ass fluid.
As my cheatin' ass girlfriend was tryin' to win my heart back by givin' me a Rusty Trombone, I gave her a lesson in pay-back by introducing her to a Leaky Chainsaw she'll never forget!
Huge erection (but hanging) or non-erect (way hanging) male appendage when viewed by a heterosexual makes him 'turn' homo just so he can slurp, gobble, and ride the turgid torpedo. Thus, modifying his sexual orientation.
When Chuck saw Big Percy's dangling modifier in the showers, he realized then he's always been a closeted peter puffer.
Ice water enema. Administered unsuspectingly - usually in a 2 gallon container maintained at 35 degrees Farenheit delivered through all weather tubing secured in place with a 6 inch, stainless steel barbed nozzle. Used exclusively when interrogating your loving partner about her smelling like cheap men's cologne and fresh semen after coming home at 2 AM.
My cheatin' wife thought I was a friggin' moron until I sweet-talked her into doggie style where I whipped out my Alaskan Lie Detector and showed her a new meaning to being a 'cold bitch' ... as we got to the truth of who she was fuckin'.