7 definitions by Kerik

Top Definition
d20
A twenty sided die, or a system which has been used to base games off of. Also damages the Dungeon Master's walls after rolling low many consecutive times.
Player: Sonofabitch! Another 1?! How dare you betray me?!

*Throws d20 in a random direction as hard as he can*

Dungeon Master: Goddamnit Joe! That's the fourth time you've done that! I'm sure as fuck not paying if there's any damage!
by Kerik July 11, 2006
Nyarlathotep is the soul and messenger of the Outer Gods, an utter paradox. It is utterly mad, because all Outer Gods are mad, but operates and carries out the will of the Outer Gods with perfect logic and calculations. It can take any form it has met, and it has met over a thousand species all over the universe. It is destined to one day destroy the earth, and is credited with handing humanity the knowledge to make nuclear weapons. He used to dwell within The Shining Trapezodehron; an Egyptian artifact, but was freed accidentally by a physicist when he threw it in a bay.
Wait a minute, if Nyarlathotep's the one who introduced nukes, then science really is evil, isn't it?

No dipshit, only mankind is.
by Kerik July 11, 2006
Y'golonac is a horrible entity trapped behind a brick wall under the earth, destined to once more roam the world, killing, raping, and doing whatever it pleases once more. The fufiller of all desires. The Violator. The Defiler. Anyone who reads it name or hears it aloud is subject to possession by it. Yep, you're pretty fucked.
Wait a minute, the bastard can possess me now that I've read this? What the fuck! People want warning labels on a Big Mac, and there isn't even a forward about Y'golonac in this thing? What the HELL?
by Kerik July 11, 2006
A popular figure in Dungeons and Dragons mythology, as well as some religions. In addition to the information stated in previous definitions, he is supposedly the King of Hell. He reigns from the ninth, lowest level of Hell, Nessus. He has effictively outwitted and overpowered all the lords of the other eight levels on many occasions, and once has turned every single ones' armies against them during an uprising called The Reckoning. He is worshipped widely in cults, and furthermore, has power likened unto a god. His most powerful weapon and most popularly worshipped symbol is the Ruby Rod of Asmodeus, a rod made entirely out of Ruby, topped with an encircled pentagram also made of ruby. However, the truth is that he is an avatar, or a lesser manifestation of the true King of Hell.
Dude, I heard those goth chicks talking about some guy named Asmodeus. Maybe if I found out who he is and dressed up in some makeup or something, they'd dig me!

Me: Just don't complain to me when they shove your testicals into your spleen. Those are goth bitches, my friend.
by Kerik July 11, 2006
A kind of drink invented in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which is not so much an alcoholic beverage as it is a super freakiy psychodelic fucked up halucinatory headtripping cocktail from some hydrophile's wet dream. After drinking it, it is said that you experience the sensation of having your brain smashed out of your skull with a slice of lemon and then wrapped around a brick of gold.
*Drinks a gargleblaster*

UHHHH! Why did I do that!? WHYyyy is EVerYthing BRIGHT? GoDAmmIt, StoP MOvinG your TENTacLES!
by Kerik July 12, 2006
An absurdly long ass-kicking contest that somehow seems to end to soon, where you only have one leg, and the only other contestants who aren't completely overmatching or undermatching your skill are more one-legged humans.
When you put it that way, life just seems like one big angry amputee convention.

Me: It is.
by Kerik July 13, 2006
The seventh layer of Hell in the Dungeons and Dragons mythology. It is ruled by Baalzebul Lord of the Flies, who is obscessed with perfection. As such, it is covered with the remains of half-constructed buildings, because Baalzebul always comes up with a more perfect structure to build and stops work on whatever came before.
Player: So, if we went there, we could find gems and vases and expensive artwork and treasure 'n shit all over Malodominic?

Me: Maladomini.

Player: Yeah.

Me: Sure, but devils are constantly salvaging and cannibalizing the old stuff for the new.

Player: So they'd be grabbin' shit too?

Me: ...yeah.

Player: No problem, I'll kick their asses.

Me: ...I'm going to enjoy killing your character, you know that?
by Kerik August 17, 2006
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