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4 definitions by Karl Pfeifer

 
1.
elevator roulette, noun phrase. A game one can play when one is the sole occupant of an elevator. The object of the game to fart, preferably a really smelly one, gambling that you will be able to get off before the next person gets on, preferably shortly before the next person gets on.
Getting in, she immediately found herself trapped in a stalled elevator in which some odious person had just played elevator roulette. She gagged as her eyes began to water, the overpowering stench permeating her freshly shampooed hair and the expensive silk blouse she had just had drycleaned.
by Karl Pfeifer December 09, 2005
 
2.
telepanhandler, n. A subspecies of telemarketer devoted to soliciting donations, but no less annoying for all that.
"Hey, you're interrupting my favorite TV show you expletives deleted telepanhandler!" Click.
by Karl Pfeifer December 09, 2005
 
3.
noun phrase: A slow line at a store checkout, the cause of one's being faux queued.
verb: to cause one to be faux queued by inordinately slowing down the progress of the checkout line.
expletive: see example
noun phrase: I was caught in a faux queue caused by a little old lady who insisted on paying with exact change, which she knew she had somewhere in her purse....

verb: Why did that little old lady have to faux queue me when I was already so late for my appointment?

expletive: ME TO LITTLE OLD LADY: Faux queue, old lady! LITTLE OLD LADY TO ME: Faux queue too, young man!
by Karl Pfeifer August 17, 2006
 
4.
faux queued adj. phrase; state or condition of being trapped in a
stalled checkout line, esp. one that was initially the shortest and
therefore ostensibly the fastest, but which was plagued thereafter by
unforeseen price checks, old ladies rummaging through purses for exact
change, people redeeming coupons, etc. Makes you want to shout "Faux queue!"
I was faux queued up the ass by a little old lady who had politely asked "Would you mind if I went ahead of you young man? I've only got a couple of items?"; neither of them had price tags, so we had to wait for a price check. Then she tried to use expired coupons, and wouldn't take "no" for an answer, so we had to wait for a store manager to make an exception for her. That settled, she proceeded to rummage in her purse and count out out nickels, dimes, and pennies....
by Karl Pfeifer December 08, 2005