an answering machine listing mental problems and what button to press or what to do usually contrary to what the problem is!
You have called the mental health hotline.
If you are dislexic, please ressp noe.
If you are retarded, push the pretty pink button.
If you have dillusions, hold on we are transferring your call to the mothership.
If you have autism, press the digit corresponding to the number of friends you have.
If you are schizophrenic, wait here and the small voice will tell you what to do.
If you have ADD, nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. You are a disgrace to humanity. Bring it on in our office. Press 2 for the location!
If you have aspergers, 10001110101110101001.
If you have low self-esteem, please call again. All the operators are busy.
"Call 1300-I-AM-A-RETARD and push the 'little pink button' because you really need to visit the Mental Health Hotline. You would be gone for a couple of days and it would really suit us all."
"At least I'm intelligent enough to use a phone."
"Yeah well you have penis-breath!"
"Was that an out-of-the-blue insult?"
"Yeah I think it was."