7 definitions by John McCririck's unlucky Laundress

maddening cliché, adverb

1. A word overused in the wrong way by ignorant British speakers who mean ‘of course’ but for some reason will not use that perfectly adequate phrase.

2. Used as a filler word to hold the floor in a conversation, the ignorant, British speaker believing that ‘obviously’ sounds intellectual, unlike ‘er, um’.

3. In an obvious manner, overtly.

4. A word used to excuse the speaker for stating something which is openly apparent to the listener.
1. Shane: “So I was in the darkroom all alone, right? And obviously, my daughter having secretly swapped the chemicals for some other ones, the fumes obviously sent me to sleep. Obviously, I didn’t wake up until the meteorite burst through the ceiling.”
Cedric: “Obvious to whom? You are an oaf, Shane.”

2. “Well, Gary … we’re going to go out there and play some football today and, er, hopefully, come away with a result …obviously… cuz… well, that’s what football’s about, at the end of the day – obviously – the results speak for themselves and basically, it’s all about the silverware on the sideboard at the end of the season so we’re going to try to score some goals and …obviously…”

3. “Dicky was coming on to Harriet so obviously that we all covered our faces and groaned with embarrassment.”

4. “It was at that point, officer that he stabbed me. Sorry about the blood all over your shoes. My shirt is ruined, obviously. Do you think I could claim for that on my insurance?”
The Franglais form of New Cross, a hopelessly bleak area of London.
Come with me, ma cherie, accompany me at once to my little pied à terre just outside Paris.
But this is Elephant and Castle; Eurostar doesn't leave from here. And I can't enter France without my passport.
Who said anything about France?
Where is your place, exactly?
Croix Nouveau, naturellement, ma petite poulette!
A place that exists only in the minds of London's more stupid cab drivers.
Passenger "In that case, what are your views on Lesbians?"
Cabbie "Er, um.. send 'em all back to Lesbia. I've had enough of 'em scrounging off our welfare state. I had that Abu Hamsa in the back of the cab once. He wanted to go to Heathrow. I'll tell you what mate, I've never driven a fare so fast ha ha ha..."
Brighton, a city in Sussex, UK. London's transport network is divided into concentric doughnut zones, numbered from 1 outwards to 6. Brighton is nicknamed 'Zone 12' because, although it is 50 miles (80 km) from London it's fruity, urban culture and fast trains to London have turned it into a virtual part of London.
How can you live in Brighton? My god, that's miles away!
No, it's only Zone 12.
Zone 12? But there isn't even a Zone 7.
My mind is a city suffering from urban sprawl.
Northern Ireland slang for a heavy-set, graceless woman.
What a glunter. She must be from that town where God lets the women wear their legs upside down.
by John McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 11, 2005
A staggeringly incompetent, chaotic British company. They supply broadband internet connections and phone lines using ADSL. They are famed throughout the UK for making spurious claims about 8Mbit/s bandwidth capability; service provision times; ease of billing; accessibility and efficiency of staff.
Bulldog was a small company that was growing slowly and doing well but then Cable and Wireless bought them out and did what C&W have done for years: spend a lot on marketing and too little on planning, anticipation of demand, engineering, and call centre resources to mop up the mess they were about to make. The result is thousands of dissatisfied customers who feel ripped-off.
Happy mug: Hey, this salesman said I could get 8 meg broadband and a cheap calls package installed with only 10 minutes of down time.
Sad mug: Read what the web forums say about Bulldog Broadband - do it now before they ruin your connectivity. The install is likely to be late; leave you with no calls for several days; you won't be able to get assistance; you will be fobbed off with muddled nonsense; the billing may be messed up and often inaccessible.
Happy mug: So you think I should look elsewhere for a broadband supplier and that 8 meg from bulldog feels like 2 meg from anyone else?
Sad mug: Yes, I do think that. I am entitled to express my opinion, aren't I?
Noun: Cheese on toast.
Pizza for plebeians, plebs but made to sound Italian.
Cheese on toast is not to be called welsh rarebit. That is different.
Pest: Sniff, sniff. Mmmm! You're cooking pizza. Can I scrounge a slice?
Cook: Unfortunately this is the kind of pizza that you can't eat.
Pest: What! I eat every kind of pizza.
Cook: But I'm making Pizza Plebiano.
Pest: Sounds gorgeous!
Cook: You can't eat it because there is only enough for me. Go away.

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