11 definitions by Jocko Tam

Top Definition
The title of a fictitious book, used as an insult towards technology programmers who tend to lean towards the ColdFusion platform due to its simple to learn nature despite the fact they lack any programming skills whatsoever.
What? They hired Dan to do CF programming? He sucks! I hope he picks up his copy of ColdFusion For Douchebags!
by Jocko Tam February 21, 2008

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YMV
YMV is a word game intended to fool unwitting participants into asking a "where" question so that the respondent can reply with an answer ending in "your momma's vagina."
Jake: Check out this wrist watch. You wouldn't believe where I found it.
Micky: It's nice, where'd you get it.
Jake: Your momma's vagina!
Micky: Crap, YMV...

Roy: I was up late last night. Know where I went?
Albert: Where dude?
Roy: Your momma's vagina!
Albert: Dude I suck at YMV!
by Jocko Tam February 21, 2008

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An ineffective form of management involving steep and sudden changes in direction with seemingly no pattern. People who adopt this form of management often create contradictory directives.
Julie: It's 4pm, I'm off. See you tomorrow.
Karla: What? You don't just leave at 4pm. There are still open issues to resolve.
Julie: Understood, I'll finish up.
Karla: Look, you can't just assume that we can pay you overtime. Your shift ends at 4pm, so if you stay later you need to get it approved first.
Julie: Are you certified in schizomanagement?
by Jocko Tam July 21, 2009

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When a manager forcefully or dramatically closes the door when a subordinate enters his or her office, an action used to notify nearby employees or passers-by that the subordinate is in trouble and is about to be disciplined.
Jim: Wow! Karla slammed her door when Peter walked in.
Kelly: Yeah, she's door flagging. Peter was late again and Karla wants us all to know we're fucked if we start showing up late too.
by Jocko Tam July 21, 2009

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An expression of irrational anger, used to convey that an individual has reached the boiling point, but usually misinterpreted as a severe physical disorder.
Mike: I don't feel as though your team is connected with the project.

Howard: How can you say that to me?! I'm so pissed over here, I'm spittin' blood! Pew, plah, plaaaaaah!!

Mike: Should I call a doctor?
by Jocko Tam July 15, 2009

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The irrational belief by employers and supervisors that making use of a BlackBerry phone during the business day will result in a lack of productivity. Micro managers are usually afflicted by this disorder.
Susie: I'm off. I'm going to call my friend for a ride home.
Jojo: Down. Susie, down. Down. Put it down.
Susie: What the hell are you talking about?
Jojo: Down, berry down. Put it down. Down, put the berry down. Down, put it down. Down. Down.
Susie: You have Berry Down Syndrome, get help!
by Jocko Tam July 18, 2009

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The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

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When managers or supervisors speak in technical meetings in an effort to sound knowledgeable by simply restating obvious facts. The phrase suggests the manager is better off sitting on the beach enjoying shrimp cocktail rather than participating in technical discussions.
Dave: Testing should be conducted internally and externally to test firewall and security behavior as well as the software changes themselves.
CTO: Yes, this testing is important.
Dave: Uh, yeah. Yeah, it is. Thanks.
Bill: (quietly) Man, that was some shrimp gulping! *dip dip* *GULP* Go back to the beach, old man!
by Jocko Tam July 21, 2009

The Urban Dictionary Mug

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The Urban Dictionary Mug

Lotsa space for your liquids.

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The Urban Dictionary Mug

Your favorite word on a white mug.

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The Urban Dictionary Mug

One side has the word, one side has the definition. Microwave and dishwasher safe. Lotsa space for your liquids.

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The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Soft and offensive. Just like you.

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The Urban Dictionary T-Shirt

Smooth, soft, slim fit American Apparel shirt. Custom printed. 100% fine jersey cotton, except for heather grey (90% cotton).

Buy the t-shirt