2 definitions by Jesus Johnson

(continued)

3. The antisocial behaviors of Bethelite women may have something to do with the fact that in fifth grade everyone went through the D.A.R.E. program designed to keep kids off drugs and alcohol. Bethel finds it mandatory for children to be subjected to constant reminders of how weed will make you drop dead, how playing with matches will end with your dog in ashes, how if you ever touch a cigarette will make you go bankrupt, and how talking to strangers will end with you in a bloody burlap sack buried deep in the woods. The dramatization of these situations by D.A.R.E. is sometimes outrageous, and barely effective. D.A.R.E. has recently been cancelled as a program as to save money for the town, possibly to pay off the debt created by that big birthday cake for Barnum.

4. Bethel has only two celebrities. The first is P.T. Barnum, who is essentially worshipped by everyone of even the slightest political power in the town. Recently, the town decided that it would be a great idea to have a huge town celebration for Barnum's 200th birthday which included buying decorations and a huge cake and renting a presumably expensive petting zoo and a belly dancer that gave all the little boys boners. A superior celebrity by far is Thurston Moore. Thurston Moore is the singer, song writer, and guitarist of Sonic Youth. Most Bethelites have no good taste in music, so Thurston is not widely acknowledged... which sucks.
3. Officer:"So if you start smoking, you will spend all your money on ciggarettes, and run out of money, and go bankrupt, and be forclosed upon, and end up living in the street where you will end up sharing catfood stir fry with a legally insane man with a beard." Kid:"Holy potato!!"

4. Thurston forever!!!!!! <3 Go Bethel,CT!
by Jesus Johnson December 29, 2010
1. Bethel is a small town in Fairfield county. Bethel is living in the shadow of Danbury and basically is Danbury's bitch, moving every town event to correspond with Danbury's schedule. Everyone in the other towns refer to Bethel as Danbury's ghetto, even though Bethel is so much nicer.

2. Since Bethel is so small, it seems as though everyone knows eachother. All Bethel mothers find it neccessary to get together with other mothers and gossip. This however serves a problem for other Bethelites because they always end up talking about their children and are therefore the best vessels for fresh, juicy gossip. There's not much to do downtown, so many of it's children just decide it's better to vandalize street signs and get high in the parking lot behind Burger King. All guys that live in Bethel are bound to be wiener cousins. With the limited supply of willing girls, they are either going to be gang banging or die a virgin. Bethel girls are also notorious for acting really slutty anf flirting with everyone, then refusing to see it through. Most girls are bitchy and pale and and prudish and when approached by men, they think they are creepy for talking to them.
1. Danburian:"Hey gimme your money you stupid Bethel,CT bitch" Bethelite:"Hey bitch, gimme your weed." *slap* *hands over cash*

2. "Omg Brenda, did you hear about Susan's girl? She's such a baby slut." "I heard, but it's nothing compared to what Debra's son did behind Burger King.
by Jesus Johnson December 29, 2010

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