5 definitions by Jesus Fuckendoucher

Top Definition
<uhn-kuhl DAAD>

I see that no one seems to explain how someone becomes uncle dad, so I will take the stage. Someone becomes your uncle dad when your dad has sex with his sister (your aunt), producing you in the process. It is that simple. You don't even know if you should call him dad or uncle, so you call him UNCLE DAD.
It was a fine day in Lincoln Park. Joe saw his sister, Meg, was wearing provocative clothing. Before he could control himself, he felt Johnny Wank get excited and start to yell for more. There was only one way to get Johnny Wank to shut the fuck up: bang his sister. His sister was unlikely to comply with this incestuous deed, so he creeped up behind her and smacked her ass real hard. That took her by surprise and then he ripped off her clothes and raped her before she could do anything to stop him. When he was finished he ran away. Later, when Meg gave birth to a boy named Dale, Joe returned. Dale learned to call his male parent Uncle Dad and his female parent Aunt Mom. Life just sucks sometimes.
by Jesus Fuckendoucher September 30, 2011
The Chevrolet Cobalt SS (2005-2010) is currently the fastest front-wheel drive production car in the world, boasting 260 horsepower and a top speed of 155 mph with the turbocharged I-4. The Dodge Neon SRT-4 is often claimed to be the champion here, with a top speed of around 160 mph, but it is let down in the handling department...therefore the award goes to the Cobalt SS.
What is THAT over there?
That is a Cobalt SS, the greatest car ever made
by Jesus Fuckendoucher October 15, 2011
<e-RECK-shun RAY-shee-OH>

This is a definitive measurement of a man's penis growth potential, or PGP. In the slang world there are two types of penises--growers and showers. Growers are men with penises that are comparably small when not erected, but grow significantly when aroused. Showers are men with penises that are long when not erected, but do not gain very much length when aroused, giving them the appearance of "showing off" when not in use. The Erection Ratio comes into use here. Whereas before there was two types of penises that were loosely defined, we now have a way of roughly determining whether or not someone is a grower or a shower. The Erection Ratio is the ratio of the erect penis to the inerect penis, expressed like 4:1 or 2.5:1. A grower is someone whose ratio is 1.7:1 or higher; a shower is someone with a ratio less than 1.7:1 (but not less than 1:1 or your penis shrinks when you get an erection!).
What is my erection ratio? 35:1. Or in other words, my penis is 35 times longer when erect than when inerect. That makes me a hardcore grower.
by Jesus Fuckendoucher October 04, 2011
<MUH-thur bayr>

This is the TRUE definition of mother bear. Mother bear is used as an exclamation to show the highest or lowest (depending on the context) possible level for something to achieve. In other words, it represents the epitome of any adjective. All you have to do is use it in a simile or a metaphor (metaphors are much more common). For example, if something is ANGRIER THAN A MOTHER BEAR, it is not possible to be any angrier than that, period. If it is incredibly cold outside, like absolute zero, then it is COLDER THAN A MOTHER BEAR. Get it?
Dale: That joke that Jeff Foxworthy told last night was hilarious!

John: It wasn't hilarious....it was funnier than a mother bear!
by Jesus Fuckendoucher September 30, 2011
The official definition of SCREWBAG is rather vague and can mean many things.

1. Anyone who is not quite retarded enough to be classified as a douchebag and not straight enough to be considered normal.

2. A bag filled with screws of various sizes, commonly used in construction. The one downside to a screwbag instead of a screw box is that if you grab the bag hard it will pierce your hand.....which makes it the opposite of a ballsack (in this context), which hurts like a motherfucker when you squeeze it hard.

3. The male genital region, more commonly called the ballsack. It also can be labelled the SCROTUM, NUTSACK, TOOLBOX, SET, or many other names. This name comes from the fact that sex, or SCREWING someone, involves a ballsack, so if you combine the two you get SCREWBAG.
Dr. Douchenfuck: Look at what Mike is doing over there! He is tipping over the garbage cans into the road!

StupidAss: Yeah, that kid is a screwbag.

The construction worker groped around for the screwbag and seized it, but he squeezed too hard and punctured his hand in multiple places. Luckily it wasn't his ballsack that he seized!

Sarah calmly stroked the long shaft of Greg's 11 inch penis. She loved how erotic his gleaming screwbag appeared in the soft evening light.
by Jesus Fuckendoucher September 28, 2011

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