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2 definitions by Jesus "Tapdancing" Christ

 
1.
(n.), (adj.)
Dr. David "Davey" Spahr IV, born in East Gebumfuck Africa in 1915 while his father served an active tour of duty in the U.S. Marines. Dr. Spahr earned physics doctorates from Harvard, Yale and Princeton when he was only 4 months old by taking online college classes in his mothers womb via a computer and wireless modem he had constructed from a quarter, which his mother had accidentally swallowed when she was a child. He was nominated for his first Nobel prize at the age of seven, but turned it down saying "The world just isn't ready for a cure for cancer". As brilliant as he his, Spahr suffers from
several neurological disorders including
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder), evident when he looks out the window at random points during his lectures at his Baldwin High School teaching post. His expectations for his pupils are exceedingly high, alotting only seconds for pop quizes and assigning labs described as such: "Here is a Q-Tip. Compute my favorite flavor of Ice Cream". Spahr feels a strong sense of rejection from his childhood because of the denial from his true love, genericly named "Betty Sue". He constantly looks for closure and often talks of his father at very random and inopportune points during the day, such as this, while he was explaining the physics concept of Torque: "My father once told me (Chuckling), 'Davey!
If you don't eat your vegetables, I'll beat you with a rubber hose!'". Of course, this only adds to the confusion of his already befuddled students. His
work for the government during the Cold War in constructing a Contractual Knanker Valve Defibulatory Radi-Mechanical Wombat, or Complicated Piece of Shit for short, has David Spahr constantly checking out the window of his class to see if the government sends a hovercraft to whisk him off to his next assignment. His intelligence and humor have earned him big name friends such as Giesler, Karl. Spahr, underneath his tough shell, connects with the students on a deep level, such as when he asked "Are you guys looking
at porn back there? Lemme see!".

Fun Fact: Spahr solved Eintein's Theory of Relativity when he was an infant.
(n.)
Mr. Spahr is insanely smart.
I doubt I'll pass Spahr's class.

(adj.) - interchange with "Smart"
You are really Spahr!
He's so Spahr!
You got an "A"? You're so Spahr!
by Jesus "Tapdancing" Christ April 28, 2005
 
2.
(n.),(adj.)
US History teacher, loving father, devoted husband, sucessful lawyer, decorated soldier, pimp, potato farmer and breakdancer; the ripped man responsible for the creation of the universe. Known worldwide for his penis of enormous magnitude (Roughly 30-40 million feet on a bad day) and his extreme good looks. He has been labeled the baddest dude ever and is worshiped in cult fashion by many. His skills include giving accurate monetary equivalents from year to year after accounting for inflation in any currency. Ex. "The cost of buying a Sea-Monkey farm in 1875 was roughly thirteen dollars, or in today's terms...eighty billion dollars". Also known for his quote butchering, but we can't say anything because we will get our asses beat if we do, and Giesler has the ability to edit history as he sees fit. Ex. "Of the 500 thousand billion pages of history I've read, Ben Franklin's best quote, to me, was the time when he said 'Hit the Road Jack, and don't you come back...or I'll shit on your face'". His famous Peter Gryffin-esque laugh and accent earned him aquaintences such as the famous physicist Spahr, David

Alias(es):(The) Iceman, Huge Dick, Yahweh, Jahova, God

Fun Fact: Karl used to sing lead for the band ACDC
(n.)
Karl Giesler will kick your ass.
Karl Giesler is a pimp.
My ass was kicked by Karl Giesler.

(adj.)- meaning cool
That shirt is so Giesler!
Giesler!
Karl!
He is the Gieslerest kid in school!
by Jesus "Tapdancing" Christ April 28, 2005