2 definitions by Jellobelle

Top Definition
Fauxstian is the combination of Faux (which is a fancy french word for false/fake) + Christian.

A person who claims to be a Christian but whose actions go against true Christian teachings and would make Jesus - both baby Jesus and adult Jesus - cry.

When Jesus HIMSELF would not approve of the evil shenanigans of a self-professed Christian - that's a fauxstian.
Person 1: Did you hear about the teachers at the Christian school who bullied a 10 year old for being Canadian?

Person 2: I saw that in the news! Where's the love that Jesus preached? Remind me to never send my kid to that Fauxstian school!


Guy 1: Why does he have so much hate in his heart?

Guy 2: I know - and he does it all in Jesus' name. Jesus would not approve of this ish.

Guy 1: He gives us Christians a bad name.
Guy 2: He's not a Christian - He's a fauxstian!
Guy 1: Let us pray!
Guy 2: OK!

Bridesmaid 1: Why is the maid of honor being mean to me?
Bridesmaid 2: Oh, she hates you because you're (Insert random reason here).
Bridesmaid 1: I don't... how in the... but it's 2013. Doesn't she know by now that (Insert random explanation here)? I thought with her being so vocal about being a Good Christian, she'd be a more loving person.
Bridesmaid 2: Hey, preaching to the choir here! Hey, don't let her get you down. She's a fauxstian, not a Christian. The fact that she hates anyone for anything would make Baby Jesus cry.
by Jellobelle June 17, 2013
Most often found in boys and men, it is the habit of exerting the least amount of effort and energy to accomplish a task, usually unsuccessfully.
Older Sister: Did you finish writing your resume for that job application?
Younger Brother: Yeah, here it is.
Older Sister: This is a mess.
Younger Brother: I couldn't find a good template, so I just made one up.
Older Sister: Um, well, here's a bunch I found on Google. Why was that so hard?
Younger Brother: It's not my fault, I have Male Pattern Laziness

Magazine Headline: Why Do Guys Date Skanks?
Reader 1: Can you believe they spent three pages on this?
Reader 2: That's three pages too many just to explain Male Pattern Laziness.
by Jellobelle June 01, 2012
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