1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
*(Survey of over 100,000 men)
2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rainforest.
3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. They suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' – which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities.
4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groans of agony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they are in.
5. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots and lots of other things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast).
6. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bed and come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst their friends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes ever known.
7. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than superman and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'lady medicines' like Lemsip, so don't bother trying to force them on a victim of Man-Flu.
8. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying around enjoying 'Diagnosis Murder' it’s a recognised medical fact that the exact pitch and frequency of Dick Van Dyke's voice has remarkable soothing powers.
Male1: I think I have Man-Flu?!
Male2: OMG, do we have time to call an Ambulance? I'm so sorry, you will be missed!
'Be-Re-Oud' (Rhymes with Period)
The male version of a period
that occurs after said male has drunk too much the night before.
Often combined with a hangover
the Beer'eriod is the sudden (and often explosive) distribution of faeces that is consistent with diarrhoea
After this brief episode the male feels considerably better and can continue with his daily routine of tasks.
Male1: I feel terrible after last night, think I need to go to the toilet..
Male2: After you have a Beer'eriod you will feel so much better.