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52 definitions by Jamie Douglas

 
1.
Something that costs nothing, but most of the population seem to have an aversion to.

Good manners are a gateway to success. Bad manners are a gateway to a good hiding.

Look at that girl with her cooch on the dinner table, she has the most awful manners!

Good manners include offering your seat to a pregnant woman on the bus.
by Jamie Douglas December 12, 2006
 
2.
Beer farts are the product of drinking too much beer, especially but not exclusively bitter.

They are incredibly smelly and frequent, and make your bum itch.

Beer farts are the worst thing to develop on a date, unless you feel comfortable blaming noxious odours on your partner.
John: "Bloody hell Jim, after those bitters last night I've been farting all morning!"
Jim: "Me too - the beer farts are coming thick and fast!"

What's that smell? Beer farts.

Man: "It's so good of you to agree to go out with me."
{Cue uncontrollable beer farts}
Woman: "Was that you?"
Man: "No you smelly ogre, it was you!"
by Jamie Douglas January 18, 2007
 
3.
An individual talented in all spheres of human endeavour, including but not limited to sports, art, science, war, philosophy and music.

Some renaissance men of great repute include Leonardo Da Vinci and Goethe.

If you try and think of examples of Renaissance men, remember that it is not enough that they have brilliant minds (hence Einstein is out), nor is it enough that they are fine sportsmen (hence no Carl Lewis) or are well hung and virile (so no Shergar) and nor is it sufficient that they are musically gifted (so we omit Beethoven). It is a requirement that they are talented in ALL these areas.

I myself am a renaissance man, as I am a fine athelete, an excellent scholar, have an ear for music a talent for art and a way with the ladies.
#1: "What talent that young Douglas lad has!"
#2: "True, he is gifted at sports, academia and the arts."
#1: "Yes, he's a true renaissance man!"

Man: "Hey baby, wanna get a drink - I'm a real renaissance man!"
Woman: "Ooooh, OK!"
by Jamie Douglas December 01, 2006
 
4.
When your whole world caves in on top of you (metaphorically or physically), you can be described as being crushed.

You can be crushed by large weights, but the most painful type of 'crushing' for a man is when he is smitten with a young lady over a long period of time (a co-worker or flatmate for example), only to be rejected when he attempts to initate a relationship. Normally a man crushed in such a way will be inconsolable for a few weeks, and will probably never recover. The only way for a man to avoid being crushed in such a way is to avoid ever getting emotionally close to a woman, and as such lead a lonely but un-crushable existance.

Women, being the apostles of Satan, are not crushable in this way. But they are crushable physically.
Richard: "Poor Clinton was knocked back by Julie,"
Samuel: "Yeah, he was crushed."
by Jamie Douglas September 03, 2006
 
5.
Contrary to the actual words used, a cry baby neither cries nor is an infant, but is a fully grown adult who whines too much and should know better.

A cry baby will normally complain about the most petty things, like there being no packets of brown sugar on their hotel room tea tray, the fact the train is four minutes late, and being dumped by their significant other.

The only acceptable way to deal with a cry baby is to pretend to physically cry when they start complaining, by rubbing ones eyes and quivering ones bottom lip in a totally OTT manner, followed by the put-down "don't cry about it".
Tubs: "Can you believe it, there's no haddock left down the chippy!"
Edward: "Boo-hoo, don't cry about it, cry baby!"
by Jamie Douglas September 06, 2006
 
6.
A really, really, really, really pasty white skin tone. When someone gets an xbox they invariably spend too much time indoors playing it, and the lack of sunlight they recieve results in a lack of melanin in the skin, turning them albino white.

Hilariously, this insult should be applied to people who through no fault of their own cannot develop a dark tan, such as the elderly, ginger-haired folk and computer nerds who should know better.
Max: "Hey, look at that pasty white guy"
Bubba: "Yep, he's sporting a real xbox tan"
by Jamie Douglas September 06, 2006
 
7.
In the United Kingdom, North of Birmingham. It's where the greatest people on Earth live.

Great northern people include Geoffrey Boycott, Sean Bean.

Great northern cities include Sheffield, Leeds, Sunderland, Manchester and Liverpool.

Great inventions in the north include Trains, TV's, Banapkins and Pie.

It is a well established fact that the north finished on the winning side of every war ever fought, including the alamo and Pearl Harbour.

The tell tales signs that you're in the north are gravy, bitter, violence, streets paved with gold and battered housewives.
Ooh Daddy, please can we move up to Sunderland, so at least my kids have a chance of being Northern!
by Jamie Douglas January 26, 2007